Well, today is the day! The one day a year we all come together and celebrate our Independence! Yes, that’s right it is the FOURTH OF JULY! Where no matter where you are in this country, no matter how illegal it is you are going to shoot off fireworks! The day no matter what race, religion, sexual preference we all come together to blow shit up!

However, I always think of the song “INDEPENDENCE DAY” BY MARTINA MCBRIDE!

It is a country song, yet the words, the words are powerful! It tells the story of a woman that was beaten and battered for years that finally won her Independence by setting the house on fire with her husband in it! She may have gone to jail for her actions yet she did it with a smile on her face and protected her daughter in the process. She won her freedom that day the only way she knew how! This song simultaneously makes me makes me cry and gives me a sense of peace!

This song came out in 1993! It came to me at a time in my life where I thought I would never find my Independence! I was 16 and with nowhere to go living under a tyrannical abusive parent that I was sure would kill me before I was 18 and able to leave home. This song gave me hope for a future I had yet to see! A future I hoped and prayed would come sooner rather than later! Independence means something far greater to me than The fourth of July!

At eighteen I left and never looked back! I even said I would never come back no one believed me! Everyone in the small town I am from thought, that I would come running back in a few weeks or months with my tail tucked between my legs a miserable failure!

I never did! Yes, I stumbled along the way and I have been through a lot of educational experiences! Yet, what I found was breathtaking… I found me. I found the strength to carry on and  celebrate my own Independence Day… every day!

Every day that I don’t compromise who and what I am for someone else’s gain, every day that I don’t give in to others despite my reservations, every day that I love and cherish my kids, every day that I don’t raise my hands in anger, every day that I don’t make someone else feel like nothing for my gain that is my Independence day!

I feel for those still struggling and I hope and pray they find their way to their own Independence day minus the fire of course! Yes, we are celebrating out countries Independence from the British today but if you have found your own personal Independence you know as well as I do that it is a daily celebration! To be able to be free to be who you are with no persecution and criticism! To  live life happy that is the dream and that is my Independence Day!

What’s yours?



The first thing I want to say is this:
The Bible was written by man and put together by man.
Let’s start at the beginning. But where does the beginning begin. Traditionally it begins with.
Genesis chapter 1:1.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.
Simple and to the point and yet, through a lot of my studies and investigations. I have learned there are so many other cultures that have very similar stories. Starting with a name. God, Allah, Jehovah, The Messiah, etc!
No matter what the name is all these religions have the same thing in common. They all believe in a power higher than themselves. That is the common thread that ties all these religions together no matter how political they become. Maybe there is a singular truth there after all.
I grew up a Pentecostal. I was even told that I would one day be a Preacher a bringer of the word of God to the masses. I chalked it all up to being ridiculous at the time (as I was only 16!) Plus being raised in an abusive home I was so confused about God and religion. I was raised that the only truth was in the Bible, and it was a sin to go searching for any other truth. Yet, without looking for it that is exactly what happened to me. I didn’t go looking for truth I was content with my being conditioned to think a certain way. (Until the moment I realized I had been conditioned that is.) There was one moment over twenty years ago that I truly felt utterly alone in the world and after being told God was a kind and loviing God many times growing up. I daned to ask the heavens one simple question. That if I truly think about was the catalyst to opening up my mind thus began my search for the truth! I didn’t know it at the time but this is where my Spiritual Journey truly began.
I found myself in an old dusty Chapel on a Military Base I had joined the Air force which was just one of many mistakes I had made at that time in my life but that is a story for another day.I was alone and I asked God or whoever was listening at that moment. “If God was a just and mercifull God why had he let so many bad things happen to me in my life?” I was only 20 at the time! I also asked, “If the Bible is the only way. Why were there so many versions of the truth out there?” Noone can figure it out and do the right thing if there isn’t one singular truth out there right?
Never expecting an answer because I at that time thought God had all but abandoned me. It came as an utter shock when I suddenly felt warm loving hands wrap me in a hug from behind and for the first time in 20 years I was suddenly overcome with the feelings of joy and peace. To top it all off I felt a shiver run through me as I heard, as if a whisper on the wind that didn’t exist. “Religion is just a word it is man that gives it power. All religions have a commonality they all believe in something more than themselves and that is all that matters.”
As I sat there completly alone with tears running down my face. I knew without a shadow of a doubt this was true. I sat there for what felt like hours taking in the love being bestowed upon me in that moment and coming to terms with this word I call religion and knowing for the first time I was never really alone.
I walked out of that tiny chapel a different person than when I had went in. As I walked out the door the sun streaming down, a smile on my face stripping myself of the title Pentecostal as I did so. I felt lighter somehow more intune with that higher power. As for the other question I didn’t get an answer right away but later realized I already knew the answer. You see I had to go through what I went through to have any kind of empathy for my fellow man. I understand the plight of others because I have seen the bowells of hell and lived to talk about it.
This was not the last time I wasn’t seeking truth and it found me anyway. Which leads me to believe my pastor was right all those years ago. Just in a different way than my 16 year old mind could comprehend. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you this is true.
You see while I was busy barely getting by going on to get married have kids and simply trying to survive. The universe had other plans. Without even realizing it until about a year and a half ago. I have been exposed to several “religions”. My mind has been opened to so many possibilities thanks to someone no longer in my life. I feel at times like Alice falling down the rabbit hole with no way to hold on. I look back now at the years and it all just fits. Like that first question was the stone skipping over a pond where the ripples just keep going and going and getting bigger and bigger. Until I had no choice but to take a closer look at the bigger picture.
Just like last June I awoke with a hunger I have never felt before for all things paranormal that was unexplainable to me. More questions of, ” what happens to us when we die? Are demons real? Are angels real?” These and many more questions began to plague me. Up until about 3 months ago this was the moment I liked to say was the moment of my Spiritual Awakening. However, I now realize my Spiritual Awakening began 22 years ago in an old dusty chapel. According to all my research a Spiritual Awakening happens rather quickly but I know with every fiber of my being my Spritual Awakening has been slow and steady. Partly because I chose to ignore it for so long. Yet, it has been there this whole time waiting in the wings for me to finally embrace it. I now know this is my purpose! To expand your mind, to get you to think outside the box, to break free of your old ways of thibing and forge a new way of thinking.
So back to the beginning. If this is truly the beginning. In Genesis Chapter 1 verse 27 through 31. After God created the heavens and the earth, every beast that roams the earth and takes to the sky, after he created every plant, the stars the sun and the moon. Only then did he create man in HIS IMAGE! We all know that time is different for God than it is for us measly humans. So after each creation when he speaks of each day and then creating man on the 6th day. There is a lot of time between the first day and the 6th say.
As to my point when Eve is tempted by the Serpent she gives in to his suggestion. This serpent we all know as “the devil” or “Satan” if Adam and Eve where the first where did he come from?
In Revelation chapter 12 it speaks of Lucifer rebelling against God. Of how he used his tail to wipe a third of the stars from the heavens as he was cast down to earth taking these “stars” or angels with him. A great war had ensued in heaven and as was his punishment Lucifer was cast out and down to earth! So this explains how he got here before Eve was ever on the scene. If that is not enough for you what about when
Cain kills Able and God marks him and he is cast out to roam the earth he meets and marries a woman. If he was the first born of the first man and woman where did this other woman come from?
I am beginning to beleive Adam and Eve were not the first man and woman and that the beginning is so much more than Genesis claims. I think Adam and Eve were the first man in a certain lineage and possibly they were the first man and woman as we know as humankind today! That is why the words IN HIS IMAGE sticks out so prevelant in that verse in Genesis! If this is true however, it seems the history of humankind is not the beginning we have all come to know of in Genesis! If this is true what did these other beings look like? Were they experiments gone wrong and God finally got it right with the line of Adam and Eve? Why is there nothing written about these first creatures? And finally and most importantly when these books of the Bible were put together by man why did they feel the need to leave this information out of the Bible? Don’t we all deserve the truth here?
Is your mind blown yet? Just wait until I give my theory on the Nephilum! If you have any answers to any of the questions above don’t hesitate to comment. This is an open discussion and I encourage you all to duscuss this and many more. We are in this together you and I we seek the truth together for we are the Spiritual Travellers.



I never understood what drives someone to commit suicide. Maybe it is the deep seated religious aspect that has been driven into my head sice I was little and the real fear of it being a one way ticket to hell. Or maybe I killed myself in one or many past lives. Either way there is never a good enough reason to end your own life.

I know the world today is bad and people today seem to be so unwilling to try and live through something even if it is something small. All because it all has become to much for them to feel their way out of it. That is the real issue here. People feel too many emotions and so they would rather give up than work through them.

I have been told on more than one ocassion that I am a psychic medium. So not having any clue how to deal with this I have been trying for the past year or so to educate myself in all things paranormal. I have even began following a couple of sites on fb to get a better understanding of this thing called spirituality. I have had to forgo some of my beliefs being raised as a Pentecostal also which was really hard for me. Yet, everytime I go onto one of those sites there is at least one person that wants to call it quits. That wants to end their pain and suffering.

I got news for you all your saying is that you are giving up. Refusing to learn and grow from the lesson, life is trying to teach you. It makes me sad to see so many people out there hurting over the loss of a loved one, or abuse they endured as a child, or just the sheer weight of the world holding them down.I wish I could help all of them, but if it is one thing I learned on this spiritual journey of mine is that you can’t make someone see the light they possess inside of themselves until they are ready. The old adage, ” you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”, comes to mind.

Now you can say, “Oh, you don’t know what I have been through” all you want. Yet, I have found that just when you think you got it bad. You meet somone esle who has had it even worse than you. I grew up being abused in every way possible. Verbily, physically and even sexually. I have had my head slammed into hardwood tables, concrete walls, concrete floors, I have been beaten so badly I thought I would pass out. I even have the brain scans to prove the abuse at the hands of my mother. I was told for most of my young life I was never going to be anyone, I was never going to be loved, that I would never amount to anything. All the while fighting off sexual advances from my stepfather! Yet, I didn’t let it break me although being honest here I came close a time or two. I still fight off those particular demons from time to time because let’s face it after a lifetime of hearing these horrible things. You start to beleive it.

I was born prematurely the doctors were even puzzled as to how this miracle happened when I began to breathe on my own. After hearing this story many times from my mother. I think it backfired on her. Cause it gave me the strength to survive her and anything else that came along. If I was strong enough to survive my own birth almost 3 months early anything is possible. Plus it gave me a sense of purpose. I have always felt that being born when I was. Was no accident. I was put here for a reason and even though I may not have it all figured out yet. I know I would or will never find the answers I seek if I am not strong enough to fight for it. If I were to not be brave and end it all.

I have always felt like I was an island unto myself. While it can be and is depressing at times. I am finding it is not because I want to be alone it is that I chose to seperate myself from those that would weigh me down.I have cut out friends, acquaintances, even blood family. All because it truly is about self-preservation first and foremost. I have been through my fair share of ups and downs even having to say goodbye to my newborn daughter whom I instantly loved. I watched as I placed her in somone else’s arms so that they could raise her and still I didn’t break!

Because in the end. I had the will to survive, to breathe, to live. This world is full of horrible things and trust me I have known my fair share of horrors. Yet, I have learned which took me years of self-sacrafice, self-pity and self- abuse that it is all about perspective. My perspective!What am I worth to myself? That is what you should be asking yourself. The only answer being…EVERYTHING!

So for those of you that feel as if the world is against you, that you will never get out of that horrible neighborhood, that you will never be loved, that the darkness is closing in and there is no escape and you are suffocating you in the process, Remember, you are not alone.

My only advice is this. Don’t let the darkness win! Don’t take the cowards way out! Fight, fight for yourself. If you can’t how is anyone esle supposed to? It all starts with you! Do something anything that makes you happy. Find your bliss and run toward it head on. Look for the light within. Only you have the power to shine bright and be beautiful. Don’t allow the cruelty of others to steal who and what you are. You are one of a kind. You have the strength to make it through. You just need to believe this is true and finally, have faith. Faith in yourself that you can and will overcome your demons. Not to sound to cliche but if I can overcome what I have been through. To come out of it mostly whole, anyone can. I beleive in you. You got this!

Thanks for listening and until next time when we GET REAL!


Words of Aphrodite:

I was the first upon the earth to show mankind what unconditional love is. I, being the offspirng of two beings not meant to copulate. Their love transcended time and space to create me. With perfect love I was brought into this world with an automatic understanding of what pure love is.

When the land was plagued by wars and death. I was there to bring peace. When mankind was at it’s worst killing one another over pettiness and greed. I was there to show them the rewards love and kindness can bring to their soul.
I know all to well the destructive tendancies mankind has toward others and themselves. That is why I bring this message to you at the present time.

Nowadays, I am reduced to nothing more than a myth. However, the joke is on you because everytime a mother looks at her newborn baby with that look of love and adoration I am there. Every time he sends her flowers with a card that simply reads, “I love you” for no reason, I am there. Every time war ends I am there. Every time Every time you help a perfect stranger in need because it is the right thing to do, I am there.

I am there, even in death I still live because I dwell within you. My body has long passed from this world yet, a little piece of my soul remains in each one of you. Because of your acts of kindess, unconditional love, and peace I still live on.

So the next time you are down and angry, fighting with your spouse or just bereft of the world. Remeber you are capable of so much more than this. Love lives in all of you. You just need to open your hearts to see it.

With you always even in your darkest moments my love shines through,



For those of you that would rather read my Podcast than listen to it here you go and enjoy!
So for those of you that know me know that I have been on a spiritual Journey rather vigorously. It was as if I have been going through a sort of transformation for several years now decades really, and then suddenly last June I actually became aware of it.
I grew up in a Pentecostal Church and was taught that everything not in the Bible was bad. I was taught talking to the dead, or using tarot cards, or using a pendulum to communicate with them was evil. Yet, the thought just hit me that as a “holy roller” as people like to call the Pentecosts spoke in tongues as well and that was acceptable. Even though speaking in tongues was a form of channeling something, or someone beyond themselves. So I pose this question for all you listening out there why was speaking in tongues acceptable but not any other form of communication? I fear the answer is more simple than I think. The words my way or the highway are running through my head right now.
As you know I also grew up in a very abusive home yet, as I drove to work this morning my heart was light and I reveled in the beauty this day had to offer. Funny despite all the abuse, the pain, the anger I have suffered through I can still find the beauty all around me. More than I should at least. Why you ask? Up until yesterday that answer eluded me. Then something magical happened. To let me know no matter how alone I feel in this world someone out there always has my back.
In order for me to tell you about yesterday though I have to go back to last June the beginning of my awareness that something was different. Oh. And before I forget when I was 16 I was at Church minding my own business when someone broke out in tongues. The pastor, minutes later came to me and interpreted what was being said he said it was a message for me from God that God had chosen me to spread his word. To preach! Really! I never thought of it at the time just brushed it off as teenagers are wont to do but now. It may have been correct just in a different way than I thought at the time.
So anyway, back to last June. The very first time I began meditating I had a moment of pure joy, peace and love. It was a moment of purity that even now I have a hard time duplicating. I also, saw a vision of someone with me and knew it was an angel of sorts with blue tipped wings like glass. A few days later I asked this guide, this angel what his name was. The name Samuel rushed through my mind like a gentle breeze. I thought nothing of this until last night that is.
So fast forward to now I have been easing my way into reading cards, and meditating and working with a pendulum. As I have had a hard time letting go of old beliefs I question everything that happens to me. I have thought for many years if I could just find a verse one verse in the Bible that proves psychics, mediums, even shamans exist I would feel better about my interest in all of this. Yet, I have never found one. Again until last night that is.
My night began with me trying to meditate to no avail. Then I did a card reading on getting to know my guide. Which yielded some very interesting results. Then I had the bright idea from out of nowhere. To ask my pendulum chart to spell out my guide’s name that was with me. Can you guess what it spelled out? That’s right it spelled out Samuel!!!! At this point I am a little freaked out since I hadn’t thought of that name in a while and had never said it out loud to the pendulum. Whoever it was guiding my pendulum I knew they were full of love and patience because I too began to feel these feelings and I know they weren’t from me. As patience is something I severely lack. Just ask anyone who knows me.
So that was my first freak out of the evening even though deep down I had the afterthought that I already knew the answer. This happens to me, a lot!
Then I remembered a dream a friend of mine had and I decided to ask the pendulum the significance of her dream. Her dream didn’t seem all that important until she woke up and I will spare you the details of the dream. The dream within a dream that is. You see when she woke up she looked at the time and it read 4:15 her one thought, “damn I am late for work.” Then she woke up for real. She quickly looked at her phone and it read 2:15! Sighing a sigh of relief she went back to sleep. Later when she revealed this dream to me, this dream within a dream. When she got to the time on the clock that read 4:15. Something inside me screamed Bible scripture. I let her know this and she kind of shrugged it off even though she revealed to me that she had never had a dream like this before.
Cut to last night when I remembered this dream of hers I felt a deep seeded need to find out if my hunch was right. I already had the chapter and verse I just needed to know what book of the Bible it belonged to. So, I opened my Bible and let the pendulum point it out. Now I know what your thinking sacrilege! For a brief moment I was too however, my curiosity won out as the Pendulum quickly landed on the book of Daniel.
More intrigued now than ever I had to know what the book of Daniel chapter 4 verse 15 said. Yet, when I turned to this page and read verse 15 it made absolutely no sense at all. Until the words soothsayers, astrologers and magicians caught my eye, in an earlier verse. I quickly realized I was in the middle of a story. So I started reading from the beginning of chapter 4 and what I found astounded me. Long story short Nebuchadnezzar had a dream a very real dream that seemed prophetic so he called in all of these high powered people to interpret his dream. When they failed to do so he called in Daniel. Who was, let’s just say in touch with a divine power. Who then was able to interpret his dream. Nebuchadnezzar even says the others could not interpret his dream but Daniel could because Daniel had the spirit of the Gods dwelling within him. This I gotta say gave me chills! There were so many things about this that gave me validation.
First off having this proof that I have been searching for, for so long that even the Bible speaks of such things as soothsayers, magicians and even astrologers on there seemed to me like dare I say it? Divine intervention? Then for my friend’s first ever unusual dream led me to another dream in the Bible was no coincidence, as there are no coincidences. I have to chalk it up to one of the greatest synchronicities I have ever been a part of. Thirdly, I have had vivid dreams all my life. I have even wrote a blog on several of them. I also seem to have a knack for deciphering which ones actually mean something and being able to interpret their significance. Which I also find that this was no coincidence, that he had so many come in to interpret this dream. And lastly. Never mind that he said Daniel was one with the Gods plural I will have to look at that closer later but he knew Daniel was in touch with something greater than himself. Something beautiful. Something pure. Much like the experience I had the first time I meditated.
So the answer to the question I have been searching for, for years found me. To all you naysayers out there that say only the truth is in the Bible. This is proof that you are a walking contradiction. Because as it is in the Bible, but you deem these acts evil. I dare you to read Daniel chapter 4 and not see what I saw feel what I felt. I do believe there are those out there with the ability to connect with an angelic source. A godly source and to be honest. Since I began this journey last June I have been one of those people that have tried against all signs pointing otherwise to compartmentalize and separate GOD from the things I have learned to no avail. However, this is one more step in proving that the answers I seek and the journey I have been on. May actually be the same path. Maybe that is the problem today. We separate God and Spirituality when for all intent and purposes we should be thinking of them as one.
Weather my friend was used as a tool to send me this message or not. I hear it loud and clear now. That same gut feeling I always get when I know something rings true for me. It is an amazing feeling. You can call it divine intervention, or synchronicity or whatever all I know is I have been on a natural high since this experience. I feel loved and a sort of calm in my soul and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
If you have anymore verses in the Bible that prove psychics, mediums or anything else exist. I would love to hear about them. Just send me a comment. For those of you non-believers out there all I can say is find your own path to the truth. I don’t care what it is as long as you believe in something and never ever stop questioning. This is how we learn.
Sending you all love and light and until next time when we GET REAL!


I can still remember how the blood dripped ever so gently onto the lush cream carpet from the steel end of the blade, tiny drops of liquid rubies beading up to make their descent to the floor. I can still remember the way I felt watching him stumble back as horror overcame his face now distorted in pain. My feelings weren’t feelings of sadness, guilt, or even shame. I felt, lighter somehow, exhilarated, free.

I watched as the color of crimson began to spread across his crisp white t-shirt and again I was almost shocked at how elated I felt, almost. Chanting to myself this is wrong, this is wrong, and yet, I didn’t care. This particular demon lay dying before my eyes and I couldn’t have been happier.

All the torture, all the pain, all the heartache disipating at the same time the light in his eyes seemd to slowly leach away. The dimmer his shit brown eyes got the more excited I became, the more empowered I became.

It was the most exhilerating moment for me when life no longer lingered in the windows to the soul. I was finally free of the devil that haunted me and was unafraid when the sickly sweet stench of death overtook the room. In that moment I was the happiest I had been in almost a year. This moment wouldn’t last long. This should have been the end of it all, it wasn’t.

As most nightmares have a twist this one was no different. I began to quake with terror when my almost broken mind played out the next scene of this particular dream. One second I was free of this man possesed by the devil and the next. He rose from the floor as if nothing happened coming at me with a look of pure evil in his malicious grin. As if to say, “you’ll never be free of me my pet.”

A zombie in the truest sense of the word but instead of brains he wanted my soul. I felt a wave of excitement mixed with a hint of terror at the prospect of killing him again, and so I did. I watched, as once again I plunged the knife into his stomach tearing through skin and organs. I can still hear it ripping through his flesh as he tumbled to the floor yet, again.

As the night wore on so did the dream. As if on a loop I would kill him only to have to do it all over again moments later when he rose from the floor unscathed. Driving me to the brink of madness. I think I even said, ” why won’t you just die already?” Frustrated and now terrified I would truly never be free of this man. I began crying each time I plunged the knife in again and again and again.

Somewhere in the middle of this nightmare I realized. I had become the monster I was so afraid of. I was more terrified of me than I was of the man that had caused me so much pain and grief. Standing before me. I became very afraid that I was going to stay this monster I had become. I began to cry in earnest now, for very different reasons.

That is the moment my inner demons decided to let me awaken from this horrible nightmare. I came awake sweating and still crying. In this moment I knew this man would be the death of me. In more ways than one. In this moment I knew it was time to go.

Thanks to this nightmare that is ever present some 20 years later. I will never forget the lesson it taught me. I will never forget how close I came to insanity. I will never forget monsters lurk inside us all and I thank God everday that this nightmare, was only a dream.