I never understood what drives someone to commit suicide. Maybe it is the deep seated religious aspect that has been driven into my head sice I was little and the real fear of it being a one way ticket to hell. Or maybe I killed myself in one or many past lives. Either way there is never a good enough reason to end your own life.
I know the world today is bad and people today seem to be so unwilling to try and live through something even if it is something small. All because it all has become to much for them to feel their way out of it. That is the real issue here. People feel too many emotions and so they would rather give up than work through them.
I have been told on more than one ocassion that I am a psychic medium. So not having any clue how to deal with this I have been trying for the past year or so to educate myself in all things paranormal. I have even began following a couple of sites on fb to get a better understanding of this thing called spirituality. I have had to forgo some of my beliefs being raised as a Pentecostal also which was really hard for me. Yet, everytime I go onto one of those sites there is at least one person that wants to call it quits. That wants to end their pain and suffering.
I got news for you all your saying is that you are giving up. Refusing to learn and grow from the lesson, life is trying to teach you. It makes me sad to see so many people out there hurting over the loss of a loved one, or abuse they endured as a child, or just the sheer weight of the world holding them down.I wish I could help all of them, but if it is one thing I learned on this spiritual journey of mine is that you can’t make someone see the light they possess inside of themselves until they are ready. The old adage, ” you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”, comes to mind.
Now you can say, “Oh, you don’t know what I have been through” all you want. Yet, I have found that just when you think you got it bad. You meet somone esle who has had it even worse than you. I grew up being abused in every way possible. Verbily, physically and even sexually. I have had my head slammed into hardwood tables, concrete walls, concrete floors, I have been beaten so badly I thought I would pass out. I even have the brain scans to prove the abuse at the hands of my mother. I was told for most of my young life I was never going to be anyone, I was never going to be loved, that I would never amount to anything. All the while fighting off sexual advances from my stepfather! Yet, I didn’t let it break me although being honest here I came close a time or two. I still fight off those particular demons from time to time because let’s face it after a lifetime of hearing these horrible things. You start to beleive it.
I was born prematurely the doctors were even puzzled as to how this miracle happened when I began to breathe on my own. After hearing this story many times from my mother. I think it backfired on her. Cause it gave me the strength to survive her and anything else that came along. If I was strong enough to survive my own birth almost 3 months early anything is possible. Plus it gave me a sense of purpose. I have always felt that being born when I was. Was no accident. I was put here for a reason and even though I may not have it all figured out yet. I know I would or will never find the answers I seek if I am not strong enough to fight for it. If I were to not be brave and end it all.
I have always felt like I was an island unto myself. While it can be and is depressing at times. I am finding it is not because I want to be alone it is that I chose to seperate myself from those that would weigh me down.I have cut out friends, acquaintances, even blood family. All because it truly is about self-preservation first and foremost. I have been through my fair share of ups and downs even having to say goodbye to my newborn daughter whom I instantly loved. I watched as I placed her in somone else’s arms so that they could raise her and still I didn’t break!
Because in the end. I had the will to survive, to breathe, to live. This world is full of horrible things and trust me I have known my fair share of horrors. Yet, I have learned which took me years of self-sacrafice, self-pity and self- abuse that it is all about perspective. My perspective!What am I worth to myself? That is what you should be asking yourself. The only answer being…EVERYTHING!
So for those of you that feel as if the world is against you, that you will never get out of that horrible neighborhood, that you will never be loved, that the darkness is closing in and there is no escape and you are suffocating you in the process, Remember, you are not alone.
My only advice is this. Don’t let the darkness win! Don’t take the cowards way out! Fight, fight for yourself. If you can’t how is anyone esle supposed to? It all starts with you! Do something anything that makes you happy. Find your bliss and run toward it head on. Look for the light within. Only you have the power to shine bright and be beautiful. Don’t allow the cruelty of others to steal who and what you are. You are one of a kind. You have the strength to make it through. You just need to believe this is true and finally, have faith. Faith in yourself that you can and will overcome your demons. Not to sound to cliche but if I can overcome what I have been through. To come out of it mostly whole, anyone can. I beleive in you. You got this!
Thanks for listening and until next time when we GET REAL!