DEPLETED LOVE SONG

I feel DEPLETE of energy, of magic, of the fire, I once held for you.

There are no more words to describe the two of us. There is only pain and suffering.

Your ability to rob me of my happiness, is awe inspiring.

With one quick-witted word, you cut me deep.

I bleed for what once was, for what we are now, and what we might’ve been.

We are nothing more than a modern-day tragic love story.

The SONG in my heart no longer plays the song of love, it now carries the deep baritone song of death.

The death of our love, once strong as oak. Now withers in the winter winds.

It was you and I against the world, now it’s just me standing alone and bitter.

I hope you find what you’ve been searching for since we both know it isn’t me.

As for me, I fear I will remain, nothing more than a DEPLETED LOVE SONG!

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/deplete/”>Deplete</a&gt;

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/song/”>Song</a&gt;

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FROTH

Andie watched as the FROTH spilled down the side of her untouched beer.

Thinking it would give her courage to do this, she now sat in front of the frosty mug not even able to bring herself to drink the inticing amber liquid.

How could she go through with this when she couldn’t even drink the beer. Silly flirtation is one thing but meeting someone in a hotel bar. Knowing it will end with the two of them headed up to one of the luxurious suites to sleep together is a whole other ballgame.

Both of them were married, not happily but married nonetheless. This was wrong on so many levels and yet, she could not for the life of her move from the stool.

She met Kyle on a business trip in Sante Fe and they had instantly clicked. They had talked until the birds were chirping and the sun was coming out by the end of the evening she knew she was in trouble.

As fate would have it they both lived in New York, funnily enough in Manhattan to be exact. Andie didn’t know if it had been the sprawling desert and the godlike sunrise that made her want Kyle until she bumped into him again on the bustling streets of New York City. He took her breath away.

It clearly wasn’t the exotic locale that caused her heart to skip a beat. It was, in fact, the man in question.

He was a man, unlike any other man she had ever met before. Including her husband who had been her high school sweetheart. She thought maybe that was why she had been drawn to Kyle having been with only one man her entire life. Maybe, she was bored but then something happened.

She began to think of her life with Matt and realized something was terribly wrong. She was not in love with him nor had she been for several years, if ever. She couldn’t even remember the last time they had sex. They had been so busy climbing their respective corporate ladders to even notice they were just roommates buying a house together.

Theirs had been a marriage of convenience. Becoming a stereotype, they had gotten pregnant her senior year of high school. After they did “the right thing” and married after both of their parent’s insistence, in an ironic twist of fate just weeks later she lost the baby. Claiming they didn’t marry just because she was pregnant they stayed together. Even after she found out there would never, be any babies.

Now here it is 20 years later and they were virtual strangers living together. There were days, weeks, even months when they didn’t even speak to one another. They had been going through the motions so long they were just playing at marriage at this point.

Yet, she still felt guilty for sitting here waiting for another man. Over the last week, she had been asking herself the question over and over, “What if you find the love of your life and you are already married to someone else?” What then? Was she supposed to live the rest of her life miserable? Or could she finally have love? The last question is the one that ultimately brought her to this stool right here right now.

Andie had come to the conclusion after several months of guilty phone calls and not so innocent coffee dates. That she was indeed in love with Kyle.

Even with her sham of a marriage. She believed in honoring marriage vows, and cheating was a big no, no in her book. Especially when she would also be deemed the other woman.

As Kyle was married, also not happily married, but he had two daughters as well. She would not only be betraying his wife but his daughters too. If she followed through with this here today.

One lone tear tracked down her face, she swiftly swiped it away as she grabbed her purse. Decision made she threw money at the bar and headed out of the hotel at a rather brisk pace. Before she ran into Kyle and her resolve crumbled to dust.

She had been in a loveless marriage this long what’s a few more years. She was not going to be the girl that split up a family, no matter how much she wanted the man. After all, it was better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all right?

She would continue to love him from afar, and with that sobering thought, the tears she had kept in check so perfectly began to fall. As she stepped into a waiting cab and it began to pull away from the curb.

She didn’t see Kyle racing into the hotel to join her seconds later.

They were just two ships passing in the night. Maybe in the next life, she thought. Maybe then she would be braver. Maybe then she would not always do the right thing. Maybe then she would be a little selfish and go for what she wanted. But maybe then they would not be the same. Sometimes you don’t always get a happily ever after, that’s life. Either way, her life was now changed forever. She may not have the man of her dreams but she did have dreams and it was not to late to follow them. As for her heart, it would always belong to the man she met in Sante Fe…

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/froth/”>Froth</a&gt;

TOXIC

Our love swiftly became toxic.

What was once a promising flower budding in the spring,

turned to deathly remains withered in the cold winter.

We were thought to be happy once, with stars in our eyes and the world at our feet,

Then as if a dream turned nightmare the illusion shattered with the poisonous strike of an adder.

We became toxic to one another and then, the world, driving each other to utter madness. We spread the misery like a plague, infecting others with our deadly virus.

We watched with bated breath, as the world crumbled around us, into a fiery plume of despair. We watched it burn to cinders while we laughed our maniacal laugh.

We became the demons we accused each other of being, with no way of stopping the train of destruction that was us. W crashed head-on staring helplessly at our dismembered love.

The lifeless corpse of our love lay shattered on the ground. Broken bones and broken promises. All just scattered remnants of our toxic love.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/toxic/”>Toxic</a&gt;

 

 

 

 

TWISTED LOVE STORY

This is a twisted love story. It’s my favorite kind of love story.
The kind of love story that enraptures you body and soul, the kind of love story that ensnares you in its wicked dreams and carries you away on a black cloud of sin and… the forbidden.

This is a twisted love story, the kind of love story that can only break your heart, that ties you up in knots, that shatters you like glass, the kind of love story that will one day break you into a thousand tiny pieces…if you’re lucky.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that my mother warned me about when I fantasized about real love from a romance novel when I was a child. A true love story cannot be written it can only be…felt.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that I keep coming back to over and over at nauseum, and without fail. It seems… I am a masochist.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that promises redemption but gives no succor for your cause. The kind of love story everyone wants but no one gets. The kind of love story that will kill you dead while you sleep…if you let it.

This is a twisted love story, the kind of love story that is always waiting in the wings but never shows itself, a mere ghost of what the future could have held and you are left wondering…what might have been?

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will tear you down, shove you into darkness, the kind of love story that will seep into your bones take root like a tree and berate you for not being…perfect.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will tear you limb from limb and not be satisfied until you are nothing more than blood and gore. Waiting for the sun to rise again.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will leave the taste of cotton candied rainbows in your mouth and the taste of passion upon your lips, only to have it yanked away in the last moments of…breath.

This is a twisted love story. A story that will make you quiver with delight, the kind of love story that will take you for granted in all the right ways. The kind of love story that will last an eternity, that will shake you to your core and make you a better person. The kind of love that will bring you to your knees and never lose it’s tentative hold.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will show you the stars when there are none, bathe you in the moons glow when it isn’t glowing, give you a warm fuzzy feeling even when it’s cold.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that is so enamored with itself, you feel the effects long after the thrill is gone.
How do I know all of this, because this is my twisted love story.!

BIRTH MOTHER INTRODUCTION

 

Introduction

My daughter saved my life! Several times. The first time was the day she was born. The day I first held her 4lb. 17 oz body so close to mine. It was as if we had the same heartbeat and it was wonderful. She had hair the color of obsidian and one of the curliest heads of hair I have ever seen, save for my own. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. She literally took my breath away with how much I instantly loved this tiny stranger. The tears poured down my face as I stared, fascinated by her beauty. One thought kept running through my mind. I could NEVER be my mother! The tears continued to flow freely while I began to rock the gorgeous newborn in my arms. Holding her so delicately. She was my little angel sent from above, to give me the answer to that ultimate question that had been plaguing me for the entirety of my life. The question I had been asking myself for the past nineteen years “Will I end up like my mother?” In that moment, the answer opened her eyes and looked at me with those crystal blue orbs. In that moment, the answer was perfectly clear, NEVER!

I began this book as a sort of purge if you will. It was a way to expel my demons and maybe a little guilt. I have since learned through the course of writing it that I was so angry over the past that for a time my judgment was cloudy. I cannot even begin to describe the journey this has taken me on emotionally, physically, and mentally. Walking down memory lane during one of the worst times in my life has been exhausting, to say the least. This story started out as a mere blog, a way for me to face my past and try to finally move on from it. Then I realized, there is no moving on from my past. Yes, I can heal from it, and learn to recover, but my past is what made me, well, me! It took all the past hardships and pain to be who I became and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. My past is what defined me, my past is what made me stronger, and yes, it may be well and truly in the past now, but it can never be forgotten. It is the thing that branded my soul, the thing that changed me in ways no one can ever understand, it is the thing that made me a better person. This journey I have embarked on was not what I was expecting but along the way I have found pieces of myself thought lost to me. It has affected my mind, my soul, my heart. Yes, there were moments writing this book when my past demons became too much and I thought “I can’t do this” but in the end, it was well worth it. To expose my past and relive one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure because what I received in return has left me speechless at times.  This book has become so much more than a simple purge of the past. It became about self- growth, and self- discovery, and the realization that somewhere along the way I have stopped running from a past that haunted me daily. The moment I heard those first furtive cries from my daughter, I became a mother. The fact that someone else raised her is just semantics.

I have been through so many horrible things in my life that this just seemed like another blip on the radar, that is my life. Yet, now as I look back at all the memories. I see that I am braver, kinder, and stronger. It took going through something no one should have to go through and for me to come out of it alive to see that, I don’t break so easily. This book has become a part of me, it is me, and I haven’t let it or the past break me. I have more strength and courage than even I knew. To be able to relive a part of my past that would have killed someone else is just, insane! Somehow though I made it through and I hope it helps someone out there that is struggling to cope with their loss as well. It is a tiny death we mother’s feel even if, we are the one that made the decision to give our child up. It may be a tiny death but one that will haunt us forever if we let it. Up until now, that is exactly what has been happening to me. A haunting of epic proportions and I gotta say now that it is out there a relief I haven’t felt in years has washed over me.

This is my story. The story of my heartbreaking soul-shattering journey. The choice I made in giving my child up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my entire life. There was crying, screaming, and pure agony. I felt as if I would never love something so much again. I am telling my story because it matters. Because you never hear the mother’s side of things. No one can fully know what you have been through in this situation unless they have gone through it themselves.

It is the most gut-wrenching thing a woman can go through. I have been silent for too long. For too long I have lived in darkness over the choice I made. For too long I have sat quietly by and listened to the judgment of others. Just because I gave her up doesn’t mean I didn’t, I don’t love her. I write this for her, I write this for myself, I write this for any mother that has had to give her child away. I write this with the hope that I can reach others who have suffered like me. If I could help just one person… Help them cope with the most difficult challenge of their lives. To let them know that they are not alone. To let them see that there is a light at the end of that very dark, very long, tunnel. That life does go on after doing what is right for their child. I want you to know I am here for you. We are taking this journey together. WE ARE THE BIRTH MOMS!

ALL OF ME

All of Me
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You’ve got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m on your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright
My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world
     I never really listened to this song before and today I listened to it. Between the lyrics and the tone of the music, it is in a word beautiful. We all go through life looking for this, this one person out there that accepts us as we are and loves all of us with all of them. It is something some of us spend a lifetime searching for, yet most of us never find. It is a select few that seem to find their perfect match. Their one true love, that one person you can’t breathe without them. It reminds me of the fairy tale I saw as love when I was a child. That love was some kind of perfect entity all on it’s own. That nothing could break a couple if they were truly in love.
   However for some it I have found it is hard to hold on to that lightening in a bottle and let the flame go out due to one reason or another. They let life get in the way and that is a shame, because the fairy tale isn’t really a fairy tale. If you find that one true person that knows your heart, that one person that see and “love all your curves and edges”, that  “all your perfect imperfections” then you should hold on tight and never let them go. The one that thinks you are their end and their beginning even when they lose their winning because you are by their side. It is a beautiful thing, to be that person they need.
   I have found that, and I refuse to let go. After a lifetime of frogs, I have found my prince. We have been together for many years now and after all the graying of hair, the weight gain, the wrinkles he still looks at me as if I am that girl that walked toward him down the aisle in the fairy tale wedding gown. I am grateful for that. We have weathered many storms together and it has only made us stronger. Unlike the fairy tale a real relationship takes work. If it someone that truly knows your heart it is always worth the effort. As someone that had a rough life previous to us getting together, I am eternally grateful. Thank you, Jason, for loving all my perfect imperfections, All of me will always love all of you…

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

Wow! I can’t believe I’m here right now! It is has been one year since my very first blog post! I started this because as you know if you have been following my blogs. Ever since I could hold a pencil in my hand and write with clarity. I have wanted to be a writer. I have a story to tell and fear has held me hostage until now! If you had told me a little over a year ago that I would be blogging now for a year! I would have said, “you are crazy”.

I have learned a lot of things this year I have had memories resurface I never thought would. I have had emotional highs and lows due to said memories. I have learned a lot about myself.  I have learned that I am not to blame for others failures, and I have found  a sort of peace within myself.The bile no longer rises to my throat every time one of the “bad memories” surface and I feel as if I am finally free of the past.

I have become addicted to the sound my computer makes as I type in the thoughts now  flowing through me and it is an amazing feeling. To be able to see my thoughts down in black and white and don’t get me started on all my fellow bloggers.

It has been one year since my very first post and since that day. I have acquired over a hundred followers. None of you will ever know what it means to me that you took the time to click that little button to follow me. I know I have earned each and every one of you due to my writing merits.  100 may not seem like much after one year but when you start at zero and don’t expect much 100 is the world. I appreciate each and every one of you so thank you.

I would like to give a shout out to my bestie Crystal without you. I would never have had the courage to write and I will be indebted to you forever because of that. You were the only person in all my 39 years to say. “Yes you can do this,” I have never known a support like that and as you know there is always a place in my heart for you. In my darkest hours you were there, when I felt like I was nothing, you were there. I just hope I have been as good a friend to you as you have been to me. You helped me see that glimmer of myself I thought would never emerge. I am here writing this today because of you.

Adriia, you have quickly become my number two friend in this past year. Without you, I would have never known WordPress existed and with that my love affair with blogging began. You too will always be in my thoughts simply by being you.

All the others that have supported me along the way and you know who you are I thank you. For those of you that have bought my book all 9 of you thank you. It may not be a lot but it is for a nobody! I am not discouraged I just need to get my name out there.  It has been a very illuminating year for me and you have no idea how much I cherish your support. I have never felt more loved as I do in this moment.

I have been writing my autobiography and I may need to take a step back if only for a little while on my blogs. I will still post prompts but I have been distracted by all the “DAILY PROMPTS”. It has become an obsession of mine. I turn on my computer or pull up my email, anxiously waiting for the word prompt of the day! I need to focus more on my book and it is a bit overwhelming to do both at the same time. I would like to post some of my book if but a paragraph or two. Just to get some feedback. If that is okay with you guys. I will also be posting the link to my book on here and the link to my very first post. For those of you, that didn’t catch it the first time around.

This is it, I have no pearls of wisdom today. I have  no pithy or witty comments. I am just basking in the knowledge that I have stuck with this for a year! Doing what I love and making people laugh, and cry at what I have written. That is the dream after all. To make people see and feel what I write. Not just some words on the page. I am embarking on yet another journey here one that I hope will be as great as this past year has been.  I am actually looking forward to the  next year and all that it will bring. I could never say that before and I owe it all to you my WordPress family through the love and support you have given me. Until we meet again…

Below is the link to my first and only book so far! It is supernatural and I love it! Only 99 cents at Barnes And Noble as an ebook! It is a short read but there are many more to come in this series. If you don;t have a Barnes And Noble account it is free. All you need to do is open an account and then to read it. Just download the nook app on your phone, tablet, or computer also free. Unless you actually have a nook then just go in and download my 99 cents quick read.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/slim-pickings-angela-appleby/1123285924?ean=2940157993566

Originally posted one year ago today here is my very first post link! I hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing.  Bare witness to my first published work to the world ever. The day my obsession began.It is THE FRIEND!

https://angelaappleby09.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/the-friend/