The first thing I want to say is this:
The Bible was written by man and put together by man.
Let’s start at the beginning. But where does the beginning begin. Traditionally it begins with.
Genesis chapter 1:1.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.
Simple and to the point and yet, through a lot of my studies and investigations. I have learned there are so many other cultures that have very similar stories. Starting with a name. God, Allah, Jehovah, The Messiah, etc!
No matter what the name is all these religions have the same thing in common. They all believe in a power higher than themselves. That is the common thread that ties all these religions together no matter how political they become. Maybe there is a singular truth there after all.
I grew up a Pentecostal. I was even told that I would one day be a Preacher a bringer of the word of God to the masses. I chalked it all up to being ridiculous at the time (as I was only 16!) Plus being raised in an abusive home I was so confused about God and religion. I was raised that the only truth was in the Bible, and it was a sin to go searching for any other truth. Yet, without looking for it that is exactly what happened to me. I didn’t go looking for truth I was content with my being conditioned to think a certain way. (Until the moment I realized I had been conditioned that is.) There was one moment over twenty years ago that I truly felt utterly alone in the world and after being told God was a kind and loviing God many times growing up. I daned to ask the heavens one simple question. That if I truly think about was the catalyst to opening up my mind thus began my search for the truth! I didn’t know it at the time but this is where my Spiritual Journey truly began.
I found myself in an old dusty Chapel on a Military Base I had joined the Air force which was just one of many mistakes I had made at that time in my life but that is a story for another day.I was alone and I asked God or whoever was listening at that moment. “If God was a just and mercifull God why had he let so many bad things happen to me in my life?” I was only 20 at the time! I also asked, “If the Bible is the only way. Why were there so many versions of the truth out there?” Noone can figure it out and do the right thing if there isn’t one singular truth out there right?
Never expecting an answer because I at that time thought God had all but abandoned me. It came as an utter shock when I suddenly felt warm loving hands wrap me in a hug from behind and for the first time in 20 years I was suddenly overcome with the feelings of joy and peace. To top it all off I felt a shiver run through me as I heard, as if a whisper on the wind that didn’t exist. “Religion is just a word it is man that gives it power. All religions have a commonality they all believe in something more than themselves and that is all that matters.”
As I sat there completly alone with tears running down my face. I knew without a shadow of a doubt this was true. I sat there for what felt like hours taking in the love being bestowed upon me in that moment and coming to terms with this word I call religion and knowing for the first time I was never really alone.
I walked out of that tiny chapel a different person than when I had went in. As I walked out the door the sun streaming down, a smile on my face stripping myself of the title Pentecostal as I did so. I felt lighter somehow more intune with that higher power. As for the other question I didn’t get an answer right away but later realized I already knew the answer. You see I had to go through what I went through to have any kind of empathy for my fellow man. I understand the plight of others because I have seen the bowells of hell and lived to talk about it.
This was not the last time I wasn’t seeking truth and it found me anyway. Which leads me to believe my pastor was right all those years ago. Just in a different way than my 16 year old mind could comprehend. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you this is true.
You see while I was busy barely getting by going on to get married have kids and simply trying to survive. The universe had other plans. Without even realizing it until about a year and a half ago. I have been exposed to several “religions”. My mind has been opened to so many possibilities thanks to someone no longer in my life. I feel at times like Alice falling down the rabbit hole with no way to hold on. I look back now at the years and it all just fits. Like that first question was the stone skipping over a pond where the ripples just keep going and going and getting bigger and bigger. Until I had no choice but to take a closer look at the bigger picture.
Just like last June I awoke with a hunger I have never felt before for all things paranormal that was unexplainable to me. More questions of, ” what happens to us when we die? Are demons real? Are angels real?” These and many more questions began to plague me. Up until about 3 months ago this was the moment I liked to say was the moment of my Spiritual Awakening. However, I now realize my Spiritual Awakening began 22 years ago in an old dusty chapel. According to all my research a Spiritual Awakening happens rather quickly but I know with every fiber of my being my Spritual Awakening has been slow and steady. Partly because I chose to ignore it for so long. Yet, it has been there this whole time waiting in the wings for me to finally embrace it. I now know this is my purpose! To expand your mind, to get you to think outside the box, to break free of your old ways of thibing and forge a new way of thinking.
So back to the beginning. If this is truly the beginning. In Genesis Chapter 1 verse 27 through 31. After God created the heavens and the earth, every beast that roams the earth and takes to the sky, after he created every plant, the stars the sun and the moon. Only then did he create man in HIS IMAGE! We all know that time is different for God than it is for us measly humans. So after each creation when he speaks of each day and then creating man on the 6th day. There is a lot of time between the first day and the 6th say.
As to my point when Eve is tempted by the Serpent she gives in to his suggestion. This serpent we all know as “the devil” or “Satan” if Adam and Eve where the first where did he come from?
In Revelation chapter 12 it speaks of Lucifer rebelling against God. Of how he used his tail to wipe a third of the stars from the heavens as he was cast down to earth taking these “stars” or angels with him. A great war had ensued in heaven and as was his punishment Lucifer was cast out and down to earth! So this explains how he got here before Eve was ever on the scene. If that is not enough for you what about when
Cain kills Able and God marks him and he is cast out to roam the earth he meets and marries a woman. If he was the first born of the first man and woman where did this other woman come from?
I am beginning to beleive Adam and Eve were not the first man and woman and that the beginning is so much more than Genesis claims. I think Adam and Eve were the first man in a certain lineage and possibly they were the first man and woman as we know as humankind today! That is why the words IN HIS IMAGE sticks out so prevelant in that verse in Genesis! If this is true however, it seems the history of humankind is not the beginning we have all come to know of in Genesis! If this is true what did these other beings look like? Were they experiments gone wrong and God finally got it right with the line of Adam and Eve? Why is there nothing written about these first creatures? And finally and most importantly when these books of the Bible were put together by man why did they feel the need to leave this information out of the Bible? Don’t we all deserve the truth here?
Is your mind blown yet? Just wait until I give my theory on the Nephilum! If you have any answers to any of the questions above don’t hesitate to comment. This is an open discussion and I encourage you all to duscuss this and many more. We are in this together you and I we seek the truth together for we are the Spiritual Travellers.




For those of you that would rather read my Podcast than listen to it here you go and enjoy!
So for those of you that know me know that I have been on a spiritual Journey rather vigorously. It was as if I have been going through a sort of transformation for several years now decades really, and then suddenly last June I actually became aware of it.
I grew up in a Pentecostal Church and was taught that everything not in the Bible was bad. I was taught talking to the dead, or using tarot cards, or using a pendulum to communicate with them was evil. Yet, the thought just hit me that as a “holy roller” as people like to call the Pentecosts spoke in tongues as well and that was acceptable. Even though speaking in tongues was a form of channeling something, or someone beyond themselves. So I pose this question for all you listening out there why was speaking in tongues acceptable but not any other form of communication? I fear the answer is more simple than I think. The words my way or the highway are running through my head right now.
As you know I also grew up in a very abusive home yet, as I drove to work this morning my heart was light and I reveled in the beauty this day had to offer. Funny despite all the abuse, the pain, the anger I have suffered through I can still find the beauty all around me. More than I should at least. Why you ask? Up until yesterday that answer eluded me. Then something magical happened. To let me know no matter how alone I feel in this world someone out there always has my back.
In order for me to tell you about yesterday though I have to go back to last June the beginning of my awareness that something was different. Oh. And before I forget when I was 16 I was at Church minding my own business when someone broke out in tongues. The pastor, minutes later came to me and interpreted what was being said he said it was a message for me from God that God had chosen me to spread his word. To preach! Really! I never thought of it at the time just brushed it off as teenagers are wont to do but now. It may have been correct just in a different way than I thought at the time.
So anyway, back to last June. The very first time I began meditating I had a moment of pure joy, peace and love. It was a moment of purity that even now I have a hard time duplicating. I also, saw a vision of someone with me and knew it was an angel of sorts with blue tipped wings like glass. A few days later I asked this guide, this angel what his name was. The name Samuel rushed through my mind like a gentle breeze. I thought nothing of this until last night that is.
So fast forward to now I have been easing my way into reading cards, and meditating and working with a pendulum. As I have had a hard time letting go of old beliefs I question everything that happens to me. I have thought for many years if I could just find a verse one verse in the Bible that proves psychics, mediums, even shamans exist I would feel better about my interest in all of this. Yet, I have never found one. Again until last night that is.
My night began with me trying to meditate to no avail. Then I did a card reading on getting to know my guide. Which yielded some very interesting results. Then I had the bright idea from out of nowhere. To ask my pendulum chart to spell out my guide’s name that was with me. Can you guess what it spelled out? That’s right it spelled out Samuel!!!! At this point I am a little freaked out since I hadn’t thought of that name in a while and had never said it out loud to the pendulum. Whoever it was guiding my pendulum I knew they were full of love and patience because I too began to feel these feelings and I know they weren’t from me. As patience is something I severely lack. Just ask anyone who knows me.
So that was my first freak out of the evening even though deep down I had the afterthought that I already knew the answer. This happens to me, a lot!
Then I remembered a dream a friend of mine had and I decided to ask the pendulum the significance of her dream. Her dream didn’t seem all that important until she woke up and I will spare you the details of the dream. The dream within a dream that is. You see when she woke up she looked at the time and it read 4:15 her one thought, “damn I am late for work.” Then she woke up for real. She quickly looked at her phone and it read 2:15! Sighing a sigh of relief she went back to sleep. Later when she revealed this dream to me, this dream within a dream. When she got to the time on the clock that read 4:15. Something inside me screamed Bible scripture. I let her know this and she kind of shrugged it off even though she revealed to me that she had never had a dream like this before.
Cut to last night when I remembered this dream of hers I felt a deep seeded need to find out if my hunch was right. I already had the chapter and verse I just needed to know what book of the Bible it belonged to. So, I opened my Bible and let the pendulum point it out. Now I know what your thinking sacrilege! For a brief moment I was too however, my curiosity won out as the Pendulum quickly landed on the book of Daniel.
More intrigued now than ever I had to know what the book of Daniel chapter 4 verse 15 said. Yet, when I turned to this page and read verse 15 it made absolutely no sense at all. Until the words soothsayers, astrologers and magicians caught my eye, in an earlier verse. I quickly realized I was in the middle of a story. So I started reading from the beginning of chapter 4 and what I found astounded me. Long story short Nebuchadnezzar had a dream a very real dream that seemed prophetic so he called in all of these high powered people to interpret his dream. When they failed to do so he called in Daniel. Who was, let’s just say in touch with a divine power. Who then was able to interpret his dream. Nebuchadnezzar even says the others could not interpret his dream but Daniel could because Daniel had the spirit of the Gods dwelling within him. This I gotta say gave me chills! There were so many things about this that gave me validation.
First off having this proof that I have been searching for, for so long that even the Bible speaks of such things as soothsayers, magicians and even astrologers on there seemed to me like dare I say it? Divine intervention? Then for my friend’s first ever unusual dream led me to another dream in the Bible was no coincidence, as there are no coincidences. I have to chalk it up to one of the greatest synchronicities I have ever been a part of. Thirdly, I have had vivid dreams all my life. I have even wrote a blog on several of them. I also seem to have a knack for deciphering which ones actually mean something and being able to interpret their significance. Which I also find that this was no coincidence, that he had so many come in to interpret this dream. And lastly. Never mind that he said Daniel was one with the Gods plural I will have to look at that closer later but he knew Daniel was in touch with something greater than himself. Something beautiful. Something pure. Much like the experience I had the first time I meditated.
So the answer to the question I have been searching for, for years found me. To all you naysayers out there that say only the truth is in the Bible. This is proof that you are a walking contradiction. Because as it is in the Bible, but you deem these acts evil. I dare you to read Daniel chapter 4 and not see what I saw feel what I felt. I do believe there are those out there with the ability to connect with an angelic source. A godly source and to be honest. Since I began this journey last June I have been one of those people that have tried against all signs pointing otherwise to compartmentalize and separate GOD from the things I have learned to no avail. However, this is one more step in proving that the answers I seek and the journey I have been on. May actually be the same path. Maybe that is the problem today. We separate God and Spirituality when for all intent and purposes we should be thinking of them as one.
Weather my friend was used as a tool to send me this message or not. I hear it loud and clear now. That same gut feeling I always get when I know something rings true for me. It is an amazing feeling. You can call it divine intervention, or synchronicity or whatever all I know is I have been on a natural high since this experience. I feel loved and a sort of calm in my soul and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
If you have anymore verses in the Bible that prove psychics, mediums or anything else exist. I would love to hear about them. Just send me a comment. For those of you non-believers out there all I can say is find your own path to the truth. I don’t care what it is as long as you believe in something and never ever stop questioning. This is how we learn.
Sending you all love and light and until next time when we GET REAL!


I watched a movie last night that simultaneously pissed me off and had me all up in my feelings. I watched as the main character went through the aftermath of a break-up with a man she had been with for nine long years. Now being married for almost 19 years that time meant very little to me, and anyone including myself at any other time would have focused on her heartbreak throughout the movie. It was palpable.
While my heart did ache over her pain my focus very quickly turned to her two best friends that got her through the next 48 hours. At the end of the movie I sat in stunned silence over the bond they shared. Yes, I did tear up in parts of this movie but the one thing running through my mind after it was all said and done was,”I have never had a friend like that.” I have had friends yes. Yet, something always seemed to be off about the relationship. I find that even now unless I call my so called friends I may not ever hear from any of them.
I used to think way back in high school that there had to be something wrong with me. I mean the foreign exchange student from Spain even had more friends than I did and I had known these guys my whole life. I mostly kept to myself even eating somewhere other than the cafeteria so as not to get all the judgmental looks from people I had known forever because I was eating alone. I was always the lone wolf, the outcast, and for some reason this movie drove that home once again.
I always say I am an island unto myself because well. I am alone most of the time. Alone with my thoughts, alone with my feelings, I have always felt that somehow I am the problem. Or that I am that friend others keep around to make them feel better about themselves or a sort of place holder friend until they meet someone more exciting.
I am that person though, that tries to be a good friend give advice where needed. A shoulder to lean on, a friend that will do anything for you. Because I do know the true definition of the word friend. Which stinks because I don’t think most people do anymore. I have been in turmoil the last few months when my best friend in the world decided I was no longer worth her time. I felt I had finally found my person. That one person I could count on to lean on to share life’s little moments with and I guess for a time we did. Yet, when she suddenly stopped speaking to me because I dared no pick up the phone when she called me. I was crushed. I reverted back to what did I do? I spent months go over it, and over it in my head to no real reasoning whatsoever.
I realized just in the last few weeks it’s not me. I am a rock. I am the beacon you see even in the dark. I am never changing in who I am. I am that person that helps others heal through the giving of my shoulder and my affection. I am not the one that changes who they are for someone else just so they will like me. However, it is a lonely road sometimes.
I have since come to terms with this part of myself recently and even though it sucks not having that person I can count on. It has made me re evaluate myself and I am proud of who I am. Even if this movie got me all up in my feelings and made me miss those who have gone out of my life. I see once again I don’t need them to validate who and what I am. They say everyone comes into your life for a reason and I truly believe this. It may not have been our destiny to stay friends for life but I have learned a lot from each and every person I have befriended in all my years. So this is my thank you to each and every one of you that have come, gone, and for those friends I will have in the future. Thank you for being in my life at the time you were or will be. Because of you I am who I am…


Today is my daughter’s first Mother’s day. Which has me strolling down memory lane thinking about my first Mother’s day 22 years ago. As most of you know I gave that very same daughter up for adoption almost 23 years ago. Her birthday is on Saturday and she will be 23. That first Mother’s day was drastically different than today.

I had become a drunk and didn’t care about myself or anything else. I hated myself for the choice I had made and blamed everyone around me. My first Mother’s day was a crossroads for me a wake up call if you will. I came to realize through my drunken haze that I had given my daughter up so that we could both have a second chance and I was wasting mine.

I remember it as if it were yesterday. Me sitting Indian style in my bedroom, in the dark, my daughter’s first birthday pic in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. The room filled with a hazy smoke that never seemed to dissipate. It was just me and my demons sitting in the dark. This was the moment that would change the course of my life forever.

I came to the sudden realization that if I continued on this path I was going to waste my life away or worse wind up dead. All because I had made the decision to give my daughter a better life. This is the moment I chose to fight back the demons that haunted me daily and try and pick up the pieces of my broken, shattered heart and move on. If for no other reason than for her.

It is a memory I won’t soon forget and even though 22 years later this Mother’s day looks vastly different. With my daughter in my life and 2 sons with the love of my life. (I cherish every moment). I can’t help but remember that first dark Mother’s day. I shiver at the thought of where I would be if I weren’t strong enough so long ago to fight off the darkness and move on. I say this from the bottom of my heart to all you Mother’s out there weather you have lost a child or given one up for adoption. You are still a Mother and should celebrate with pride and love. To all you Mothers out there feeling alone and that there is no light in this world. I see you. I was you. Just know that this too shall pass.

To all Mother’s young and old take yourself out today and just be. Wishing you all love and light on this bright Mother’s Day.


I sit here trying to think of what to write and nothing comes to mind.

I am sitting here in my zen place. I have my new writing desk sitting in front of my big dining room open window. The sun is shining and the breeze is fantastic. I sit staring at the green grass and the trees as they slowly sway in the wind. Praying for something, anything that can inspire me to write something amazing.

As if my prayers are answered there is a sudden gust of wind and as I look up from the glaring white computer screen. I see something that makes me smile, a reminder that we need to unplug every once in a while and just be one with nature.

The tiny little, what I call helicopters that fall from trees are flying through the air but not just one or two. There are thousands of them soaring down the street in mid air. Just floating on the wind. Thousands of tiny little propellers floating down my street with no particular destination in mind.

They are beautiful and I for one brief moment am jealous of the freedom they share. If only we could all be windswept oh, what a glorious world that would be.


Spring is finally here! Winter was a cold heartless bitch!

Yet, today as I frolicked through the thickening grass that gets greener by the day.

I felt a lightness in my heart that wasn’t there before. I feel the crisp cool breeze on my skin and I bathe on the scent of freshness in the air.

Ever notice that in the Springtime even the air smells cleaner.

I hear the birds chirping and playing, I watch as they dip and dive into the recent rain puddles with perfection.

I can almost hear the flowering buds on the trees growing, this their promise that they are still alive.

The sun, the brightest temptress of them all, beckoning you to come and sit in her halo of beauty for a while.

I sit outside while the sun bids her ado, and darkness swallows you up. I  don’t mind because I am soaking up all nature has to offer.

Then the man in the moon comes out to spy on all creation and I take a bow to the ever-present master of the sky.

My day has come to an end and as I gaze out of my window soaking up what’s left of the night. I can’t help but think. “THANK GOD, IT’S FINALLY SPRING!”


As the restoration continues on the old building.

I watch day by agonizing day as it is stripped down to nothing more than a shell, waiting to be turned into something new.

Today I walked in and there it was in all its unholy glory. I think to myself, “If only these walls could talk. What would they have to say?”

I gaze upon the bare bones and for a moment I too feel exposed, raw, bare.

My heart bleeds for this place and all its empty memories that have now been ripped away along with the aging carpet.

I am filled with an emptiness of my own looking at the vastness of a time gone by, as I walk across a stone floor so many have tread.

I have to remember though that to make way for something new the old must go. To gaze upon the emptiness one has to think about all the possibilities, they are endless.

In a few weeks, it will be something different, something new. We can all rejoice the newness of it all, but let’s not forget the past and remember without it. There is no tomorrow.