Truth or Lies?

The truth shall set you free, the only problem is that noone wants to be free, not really. For example:

Society today is addicted to the quiet lies fed to us through media platforms. It’s so subtle because we have been raised to believe everything we see in said media is the truth! Never realizing or no longer trusting our inner self to see that maybe, just maybe we are being duped.

Every thing from ads on your favorite laundry soap that promises stain free clothes (which I think subliminally promise much, much more and so we bite! Another customer hooked!) To now even news feeds.

Has anyone stopped to think or even suspect that if they can do all kinds of neat tricks like making it appear as though Sandra Bullock is floating around in space. Or that Matt Damon is really lost on Mars. Or make a futuristic world that doesn’t exist! Surely, they can jazz up a little news feed right?

The media would have you believe that racism is dead, or at least on the decline. Yet, all you have to do to believe racism is alive and possibly worse than ever is stroll into any depressed area, in any major city when the sun goes down to see for yourself, that not only is racism alive, but it breeds like a virus infecting everything it touches. According to how we have been programmed seeing is believing, right?

There has been the controversial question. Are we alone in the universe? Scientists and finatics alike have fought for decades over this very question and according to ancient depictions. The question has been around for much longer maybe even centuries but once again media covers it up. To me it appears on the media only to distract you from what’s really going on in our world. It’s like their ttump card they pull out to get your mind off of the real issues. However the question remains. If we are not alone? Do we honestly, really want to know the truth? Are our minds really, ready to handle the possiblility that we are not alone?

Friendships come and go but what I have found is that each and every one of us play fast and loose with the real definition of the term “best friend”. Especially with those throughout the years that have claimed to be my best friend. I sometimes wonder are they really my best friend?

Every friend I have ever had save for one many many years ago never ever told me the truth. I guess I in turn was not the best friend either because to me the real definition of a best friend means you can tell them anything. However, with the experiences I have had a “best friend” doesn’t really want to hear the truth about themselves. Like for instance they are becoming an alcoholic! ( Which is the thing my true friend bodly told me many years ago even though I was offended and didn’t really want to hear something so awful about myself. I didn’t want to face the truth. I wanted to live in my misery, my pain, my lies!) That’s the thing with someone that knows all your secrets. They csn shed light where you may not want to see the darkness in yourself. However, once again, the question still remains. Do you really want to know the truth about yourself? Does any of us really? No one wants to look into their inner self and gaze upon their own demons. It can be a hard pill to swallow, facing your own imperfections. On the other hand upon reflection and many years later. I am grateful to that friend and her truth about me. It probably saved my life.

It’s just like when a wife asks her husband “Do I look fat in this dress?” She probably already knows the answer but does she really want to hear that the dress looks like a mumu on her? Or does she want the sweet lies he was conditioned to tell her? Of how she has never looked more beautiful despite her 100lb weight gain over the course of their twenty year marriage.

Again, noone wants to hear the truth if it might hurt their feelings or become offended by said truth. We have become a society that thrives on lies and gets offended by everything. Back when I was younger and not as long ago as you might think. I was told if you are offended by something it’s because there is a grain of truth to what is being said. Now I know that doesn’t apply to all things as the world is very cruel and likes to play “who can we offend today?” But we need to look into ourselves ans really analyze why we get offended over certain things. Is there something about ourself that we are choosing not to see. Or is it something we should really be offended over. Although, the lines are blurred these days. The question still hangs in the air like a foggy grey mist that won’t go away. Are we ready for the truth? Can we handle the truth? No matter how hard it is to hear.

All I can say from my experiences is that the truth, my truth, helped me become a better person. Even though it was one of the hardest things I have ever faced and I have faced a lot, because in the end when you are ready to hear it. The truth is the only thing that can set you free!!!!


When I become famous!

When I become famous will you look at me any differently? Or will you still look at me through your vapid colorless eyes? Will you finally begin to see my worth? Or will you see me as the same inconvenience you always have?

When I become famous. Will my name remain silent upon your lips? Or will you speak of me fondly to everyone you meet? Will, you talk me up and let anyone and everyone know how great I am? Or will I still be as forgettable as you think I am?

When I become famous. Will you ultimately wrap me in your warm embrace? Or will I still be the leper you dare to touch? Will I still be to much for you to handle? Or will I be the shoulder you need to lean on?

When I become famous. Will you actually begin to hear what I have to say? Or will my words of wisdom continue to fall on deaf ears? Will you listen to all my hopes and dreams, my fears, my pain? Or will you still be my source of so much grief?

When I become famous. Will you then want to be my best friend? Or will I still remain that person you once knew? Will I still be someone you’d rather not know? Or will I be your go-to when everything in your world goes dark?

When I become famous will I, still be the “black sheep” to your, misguided, pristine, white one? Will you suddenly love me unconditionally? Will you be everything I need you to be and more? Will, you laugh and smile at all my jokes? Will it be genuine this time?

It doesn’t matter because, in the end, I know who you really are. It’s too bad you couldn’t see the real me before. For, in the end, I will become famous! I will be somebody! Can you say the same?


Sooo many of you know if you have been reading my blog that I have now begun a spiritual journey of trying to reawaken my 3rd eye to revamp if you will my medium abilities. Which until the last few months I really, really, really, was skeptic about even with all the crazy experiences I have had in my life.

I try to meditate regularly and for someone that doesn’t even know if she is doing it right, I have had some pretty spectacular experiences. I didn’t share this one with you all though, and for some reason today it just kept nagging at me sooo? what does any writer do when the need to put pen to paper takes over? Yes, you can say it they write. I hope you enjoy this latest experience as much as I did. Make of it what you will. Here goes.

One day when everyone else had gone to sleep and the house was still (it is when I like to meditate the best) I began to meditate. I wasn’t looking for anything specific just trying to have an open mind and an open heart. I was solely concentrating on my breathing and nothing more. Now usually when I meditate it takes a while to get my mind where it needs to be but this night was different. I was meditating for maybe a minute or two when a woman’s face flashed before my eyes.

Now I can’t even begin to describe to you her face because just as quickly as I saw her face it disappeared and was replaced by a vile image that for a split second I couldn’t figure out the connection. Her face changed to the upper torso of a skeleton and it was charred, but the burns were different than what you would think of as someone burning alive. The black stuff was gooey and stuck to her like a sort of glue. It took me all of about 30 seconds to realize this was the same skeleton of the woman I had just seen.

Just as I began to wonder what the hell I was seeing of this skeleton that seemed to be searing into my brain because this image stayed a hell of a lot longer than the other one. The words radiation poisoning ran through my mind. What? This was crazy, right?

For the very first time since I have begun this whole thing I was totally and completely unafraid and so I asked out loud for the first time. What is your name? The immediate response was Alice. Since I only know one Alice and I knew she hadn’t passed I assumed this was the name that belonged to the skeleton I had seen just seconds before. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and before the question “Alright, What is your last name?” Was even formed in my mind the name Devereaux came to mind.

As my curious nature kicked in I stopped meditating and picked up my phone to Google her name. Now I shouldn’t have to tell you that there are many different ways to spell this name but what astounded me was when I googled her name this is what came up on the very first link. See Picture below:


Annddd somehow I just knew this was the correct spelling and that this was indeed the Alice I was seeing. To say that my jaw was on the floor is an understatement but just wait it gets better.

I began to research her possible cause of death and sadly never found one and her being in Suffolk England a place I had never heard of (considering I have never been out of the United States and Have no familial ties to England) and her dying in April of 1943. I deduced that I may never know, but then like a lightbulb going off or maybe someone placing the thought into my head I had the bright idea to look up radiation levels in Suffolk England. The results had me almost passing out. Talk about jaw-dropping. This was my aha moment!

It began as confusing as this had all started with story after story of Chernobyl for some reason but then there was one little article that had me shaking. It was about Suffolk University now I have to tell that this article was published 3 years after Alice had passed. However, it was the first known article of people dying due to radiation poisoning in the town and it apparently was so bad that the University was shut down for a time. Hence the article.

I even found the connection to Chernobyl a place in another country thousands of miles away. It takes over twenty-seven hours to get there from Suffolk and yet, both reside on a beach on the same coastline and to this day they are finding radioactive debris on Suffolk beach from you guessed it Chernobyl.

This still never definitely proves that Alice died by radiation poisoning hell I am not even sure what a skeleton that has been affected by radiation would look like but it all seemed to fit together so, so perfectly. I don’t even know when the whole thing with Chernobyl happened and Alice being 71 when she passed one would say she could have passed from a number of things and yet, I have the nagging feeling that whatever it was I am close to why she really passed.

My sister -in -law and I talk about this kind of stuff all the time. She believes in it all on some level but when I told her this story she did all she could to disprove it. Hell, I barely believe it myself and it happened to me. She said that she thought the medium in question (me) would have to have some kind of connection the deceased (Alice). She asked why in the hell would some woman who died long before I was born from a whole other country visit you? What kind of connection could you possibly have with her?

After pondering this for a few minutes the truth all but slapped me in the face. It hit me like a ton of bricks! You see while I do have faith in something higher than myself. I have learned throughout these last few months I am also a seeing is believing kind of person too. After decades of ignoring this part of myself and now trying to integrate it back into my daily life. On top of trying to do away with old religious ways of thinking. I have been constantly asking for validation throughout all of this.

I got the answer I was looking for just not in the way I would have imagined it to be. You see there is no connection between me and Alice. I have learned mediums mostly do not possess the connection with one that has passed. In fact,  it seems to be just the opposite it can sometimes hinder their ability to speak to a loved one or someone they knew. Alice was giving me the answer in the form of her tragic death. Because I had absolutely no connection with her what so ever in all ways. It was the validation I needed to know I must be doing something right.

I am excited about what comes next even though I am always trying to jump six steps ahead (that is the Virgo in me) Alice is my daily reminder to just breathe and let what happens, happen. So thank you Alice and I am glad you allowed me to share this now our story.

I have been telling a friend of mine at work about all my experiences lately and she said, “Oh! I hate to break it to you but your ghostly friends don’t really exist. It is all in your head?” I find this sad because as you know I have had way, to many experiences to just discount it all. Take this how you want it but these experiences are indeed changing me in ways I never thought possible. All I can say is believe in ghosts, spirits, energies, whatever you want to call them, because oh, honey, do they believe in you!



Like two ships passing in the night, we have come to the end of our story. Relationships come and go, yet I naively thought ours would last forever. We had a good run you and I yet, here I sit alone once again.

Sisters for life is what we once called one another, yet you have proven once again that bonds are sometimes meant to be broken. Once again it was the choice I had to make to remain free.

A part of me will always love you but that doesn’t mean I need to sacrifice myself for you. They say that everyone that comes into your life has an impact on you in some way. I find even now in my darkest hour I know this is true. For you have taught me so much in our much too short friendship even though it has spanned over a decade.

It was you who taught me to march to the beat of my own drum, I didn’t even know I had a drum until you. You who taught me that you need to fight for what you know is true and never ever settle for less than what you deserve.

I am heartbroken at this moment but I know with time, this too shall pass. I must conclude that we have learned all we can from one another. I dream of the nights we spent gazing at the stars wishing for more than this simple life could offer. I remember dancing round the fire with you with light in our eyes. I remember swaying with the wind as we became one with that weeping willow tree. All the while the moon casting his light down upon us with a smile.

It all seems so pointless now. The time we spent bonding over seemingly nothingness because you are gone and I again am alone with only my thoughts for comfort and they provide little comfort with their darkness. I will miss you old friend. This is our end but maybe just maybe it is also a beginning for each of us.

Wishing you a lifetime of love and peace on your new journey without me.