MIRRORED PERCEPTIONS

I have often wondered what the world thought of me.

I wish, to step outside myself and see me the way it does.

To watch the way I walk down the street or run into the arms of my lover. With my stilted gait. Do I really do it all differently, than anyone else does?

I would love to see my hair the curly rats nest that it is, blowing in the breeze on a hot summer day. Would I then see what everyone else sees in its natural cascading waves?

My eyes with their alluring hazel hues. I wonder, do they really sparkle like emeralds at times?

If I saw myself idling in line at the grocery store in my pajama bottoms late at night, Would I cringe at such a sight? Or would I applaud such obvious bravery?

I wish I could watch myself writing. I imagine myself in the midst of a story. I would watch in awe, as my left-hand scrolls across the paper creating something that wasn’t there before. My face lit up with the glow of fantasy. I wonder how beautiful I would seem, following my dreams.

I wonder if I came upon myself crying, shattered and broken. Would I be able to resist running up to wrap my arms around myself to whisper “everything will be okay.”

If I watched myself long enough would I be able to discern the moments the past catches up with me just by looking into my eyes?

Would I be like the rest of the world? Judging a book by its cover. Or would I see the past pains that broke my heart, the past joys I share in my heart? The present and all that I have overcome.

Would I see me as I know me? Or would I succumb to the poisonous way the world views me?

I know this cannot happen. I cannot step outside myself and look at who and what I am from another perspective. I guess I will have to be satisfied in knowing who and what I am deep down inside Instead of the distorted image, they see every time, I look in the mirror.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/wonder/”>Wonder</a&gt;

Advertisements

TWISTED LOVE STORY

This is a twisted love story. It’s my favorite kind of love story.
The kind of love story that enraptures you body and soul, the kind of love story that ensnares you in its wicked dreams and carries you away on a black cloud of sin and… the forbidden.

This is a twisted love story, the kind of love story that can only break your heart, that ties you up in knots, that shatters you like glass, the kind of love story that will one day break you into a thousand tiny pieces…if you’re lucky.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that my mother warned me about when I fantasized about real love from a romance novel when I was a child. A true love story cannot be written it can only be…felt.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that I keep coming back to over and over at nauseum, and without fail. It seems… I am a masochist.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that promises redemption but gives no succor for your cause. The kind of love story everyone wants but no one gets. The kind of love story that will kill you dead while you sleep…if you let it.

This is a twisted love story, the kind of love story that is always waiting in the wings but never shows itself, a mere ghost of what the future could have held and you are left wondering…what might have been?

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will tear you down, shove you into darkness, the kind of love story that will seep into your bones take root like a tree and berate you for not being…perfect.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will tear you limb from limb and not be satisfied until you are nothing more than blood and gore. Waiting for the sun to rise again.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will leave the taste of cotton candied rainbows in your mouth and the taste of passion upon your lips, only to have it yanked away in the last moments of…breath.

This is a twisted love story. A story that will make you quiver with delight, the kind of love story that will take you for granted in all the right ways. The kind of love story that will last an eternity, that will shake you to your core and make you a better person. The kind of love that will bring you to your knees and never lose it’s tentative hold.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that will show you the stars when there are none, bathe you in the moons glow when it isn’t glowing, give you a warm fuzzy feeling even when it’s cold.

This is a twisted love story. The kind of love story that is so enamored with itself, you feel the effects long after the thrill is gone.
How do I know all of this, because this is my twisted love story.!

Dreamworld strikes again

I had yet another weird dream this morning! I was living in my old house and I was getting ready to go out for a late Valentine’s Day dinner with my husband. At the end of the month. I was trying to change but my kids kept barging in the room without even knocking.

While I was sans blouse the door opened again and as I began yelling at my oldest for barging in I realized it was not my son. It was my mother of all people. My mother whom I haven’t spoken to in two years (because she’s crazy). Looking as she did a lifetime ago smiling for once and holding a puppy.

Now let me back up here. My husband’s best friend lives down the street from where I live now and one of his three female dogs just had puppies in real life. I fell in love with one of them even though we can’t get one because my house is already filled with kids a cat and a dog. There is no more room for a puppy that will get at least twice the size of my dog.

Yet, in my dream there she was holding my puppy. Smiling ear to ear as if this little black furball was the best thing that ever happened to her. It was weird and then there was suddenly other family members all getting dressed in my eldest son’s room my husband’s sisters and mother, my mother had joined them and after I went to check their progress on getting ready to go I went back into my room and there on the bed was a red teddy. Where did it come from? How did it get here? Then I look up to see my mother standing in the doorway this time minus the puppy. I asked her “did you do this?” She just smiled a knowing smile and I was at this point really freaked out. My mother disappeared and my husband came into the room. Asking about the red teddy and I let him know what had transpired with my mother.

I told him there was something wrong with her obviously and this weighed on me as the dream began to dissolve. You see my mother has never visited me or paid any attention to the man I have been with for the past twenty years. Other than to tell me how hot he was when we first married. Yuck!

She has never even paid that much attention to me since I left home. This dream left me confused and weirded out. Is this a sign that let me know we can somehow restart out relationship and begin again? Or was it really just something I ate? Either way a little wigged out that my mother bought me a teddy to get laid in, and what the hell does that have anything to do with my puppy she decided to keep for herself? All I know is the only other dream I have ever had about my mother plagued me for months. I hope this one will not do the same!

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/restart/”>Restart</a&gt;