THINGS I HAVEN’T TOLD YOU.

So as you all know I have been on a spiritual journey since about the beginning of June 2018. I have had a lot of experiences while meditating and even some when I have not been meditating. I found it odd, maybe even a little embarrassing that I haven’t shared all of my experiences with you my blog family. As you have probably have guessed I don’t get a lot of support from family or friends. Whether it is for my writing or this new journey I am embarking on. That stinks but I am forging ahead regardless. I have decided I will share one experience every so often. See how it feels. Please, comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Some may not be in the order of the time they happened but I will be posting them according to the order I think they should be posted. Here goes the first one

The couple dancing on the wall- I had my earbuds in listening to music at work and I couldn’t tell you what the song was but I was getting some weird feeling as if someone were listening and hated the song. It was as if they were screaming at me to shut it off. I even got a ringing in my ears as if something too loud was right up in it. Then the song ended and I breathed for a heartbeat before the next song came on to rid myself of this negative vibe I was getting. The next song came on and it was Janet Jackson’s That’s the way love goes. Almost instantly I felt a lifting of the energy I had surrounding me and I began to smile unexpectedly as I unconsciously began to sing along and sway to the music. About halfway through the song, something caught my eye and I looked up to see two people one male one female dancing on the wall as if they were shadows on the wall. It was as if I was watching a projection of just the outline of these two people in a box. I knew that they were African American and maybe a little older. Late 40’s early 50’s. Maybe from the 30’s or 40’s time period. They were in what appeared to be a dive bar or as they would refer to it as a juke joint. It was run down and out in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Kind of like the bar in the color purple. It was in a swampy kind of area with nothing but beautiful green trees all around the building. For several moments I was fascinated, transfixed even at the sight. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling that came over me as I was a little jealous of how well they moved. They were happy the song had come on and were swaying to and fro, back and forth to the hypnotic rhythm of the music. Then my shipping buddy came up and asked a question about work and poof just like that the moment was gone and so were they.

Let me know what you think. There is more to come later…

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THE WAITING ROOM

I sit in the waiting room. Watching as the operating doors constantly swing back and forth. One after another people are being shuttled in like cattle for one procedure or another. A mechanical transaction if there ever was one.

I can almost hear the invisible cash register ding, ding, ding as it fills to the brim with the hardworking mans dollar. As the swipe of the credit card swooshes through the little machine giving all it has to offer.

I observe the cold room that offers stale coffee but little else for your comfort. The tv is on the fritz and the magazines are old. I wish I were anywhere but here on this cold January morning. Yet, I know this is a necessary evil I must endure.

I wait, and wait, and wait. Patience is not my strong suit. I gaze at the time on my phone for the hundredth time it has only been minutes since I checked the time but it has felt like hours. There is no clock on the wall. I wonder is this part of their plan in this cold lifeless room? To keep you in the dark.

No one comforts you, no one is there to hold your hand. It is just you against the room that now seems to be getting smaller and smaller by the second. There is nothing to do but wait and watch as the infinite pricetags ( people) get wheeled in and out one by one. While their loved ones join you hoping for a speedy recovery.

My heart aches as I realize we are all just cogs in a wheel of money that just keeps turning, and turning, and turning. The Doctors, Nurses, even the receptionist play their part. I wonder does it ever dawn on them that their moneymakers are living, breathing, humans?

The hours tick by slowly, and I feel as if I am at the end of my rope. Just when I can take this game no longer. My name is called. The words I didn’t know I longed to hear are uttered and I sigh a sigh of relief and the breath I had been holding without realizing it.

He is awake, and suddenly the room seems brighter the day is warmer and all thoughts of the cold lifeless room disipate. Nothing else matters but the speedy recovery of my significant other. We leave behind that waiting room and a smile escapes me. I am leaving with the love of my life. Who is alive and well, and I guess you can’t put a price on that.

SYNCHRONICITIES PART 2!

So since my previous blog about you know what. (Insert title here). I have had some other things go down that cannot be explained. I have had quite a few dreams in my life and some seem more significant than others. Yet, what I’m learning on my spiritual path is that more and more of my dreams tend to have hidden meaning.

I have been talking to several people about synchronicity versus coincidence and sometimes those lines get blurred. If you are the kind of person that believes in coincidence.

As you learned in one of my last blogs dreams seem to be when all my higher beings send me intuitive messages or even warnings of things to come. It is my job to interpret them and as I am still learning sometimes I do chalk up a dream to just something I ate.

I had a friend tell me recently that a synchronicity was kind of like when you buy a car and then suddenly their everywhere. Your mind actually searches them out because we are always searching for connections. Yet, some of my dreams that have come to fruition in real life I wasn’t searching for. In fact two of my dreams that have come true I was horrified to find a connection with. So is what my friend said true or is there something more to it than that. I will let you decide here is my most recent dream.

I was standing outside in a post apocolyptic world taking my small dog outside to use the bathroom. Where rows of houses in my neighborhood once stood was now a dustball of nothingness save for the mobile home we now lived in with broken out windows and a rusty color orange around the frame of the door and windows. To say it was a shithole is an understatement but at least it was a roof over our heads.

I was taking the small dog out when a gang of guys approached me looking like they just stepped out of a movie scene from waterworld they told me they were taking my bigger dog. My baby! I asked why and they said they made a deal with my husband and left it at that. The leader’s voice dripped with inuendo. I reluctantly let them take her as I got the impression they would hurt my family if I didn’t give her up. Then I scolded my husband for making such a deal. I screamed that they may try to eat her and he said, ” Well let’s go get her back then.” Then thankfully the dream dissolved. Now I know what you are thinking I was thinking the same thing when I woke up. “What the hell did I eat?” What does this all mean? I couldn’t tell you.

However, yesterday I was on my way in from my last break and something white caught the corner of my eye and there in real time was the exact trailer from my dream. Busted out windows and that same rusty color around all the windows and door frame! It was being pulled by a semi down the street right in front of me. I did a double take and even almost slapped myself. Because I had to be dreaming still right? But I wasn’t! Here was a part of my dream in real life staring me down. Wtf!

Was I subconsciously searching out this house as my friend suggests? Even though that was not the point of my dream? Or was it the point of the dream and I was receiving some sort of cosmic warning sign? Either way it freaked me out.

However, my next dream was even more daunting than the last one and even though this one happened long ago it still puzzles me.

I was climbing an old worn out set of stairs above a condemned bar. At the top was a door and behind that door was, my past. My ex who after opening the door the dream would switch and I would be chasing him through the streets of Boston trying to kill him. Now I must tell you I had this dream off and on for over twenty years! Then last May he found me on fb. I confronted him and all these years of pent up feelings I had about him. None of it good. Yet, while I was dreaming these dreams I knew they were a dream due to that damned staircase and that stupid door. It even got to the point where as soon as I began the climb. I would actually say in the dream, “Damn, here we go again!”

Once I confronted him though the dreams went away. Or so I thought. Months later I was scrolling through facebook and came across his page with a picture of a house he had just bought to renovate and guess what the picture was of… Yes, it was that same damned stairwell and that same damned door I had been dreaming about for the last twenty years! How is this possible? Because I know my mind wasn’t seeking a connection to that!

How can this be explained? My only explanation is that these dreams are my higher self warning me of something that I still don’t understand. These are synchronicities that have been given to me through some unearthly power as a sign. I just don’t have any clue what they are, yet. Synchronicities are like bread crumbs they make you sit up and take notice in your waking hours when you are too blind to see them. Maybe they were an omen of things to come. Maybe my dreams were actually giving me the strength to say what I needed to say when the time came. All I know is that I am never going to Boston, ever!

I haven’t dreamed these dreams since confronting him maybe it’s because I took from it what I needed but I refuse to believe these synchronicities were just because my mind sought out some sort of connection like the car thing. Anyway you want to look at it they meant something. Whether they brought me peace or not is still up in the air. If you have any thoughts please let me know. If you have had any synchronicities of late I would love to hear them… Until next time and happy dreaming.

Synchronicities part 2

So since my previous blog about you know what. (Insert title here). I have had some other things go down that cannot be explained. I have had quite a few dreams in my life and some seem more significant than others. Yet, what I’m learning on my spiritual path is that more and more of my dreams tend to have hidden meaning.

I have been talking to several people about synchronicity versus coincidence and sometimes those lines get blurred. If you are the kind of person that believes in coincidence.

As you learned in one of my last blogs dreams seem to be when all my higher beings send me intuitive messages or even warnings of things to come. It is my job to interpret them and as I am still learning sometimes I do chalk up a dream to just something I ate.

I had a friend tell me recently that a synchronicity was kind of like when you buy a car and then suddenly their everywhere. Your mind actually searches them out because we are always searching for connections. Yet, some of my dreams that have come to fruition in real life I wasn’t searching for. In fact two of my dreams that have come true I was horrified to find a connection with. So is what my friend said true or is there something more to it than that. I will let you decide here is my most recent dream.

I was standing outside in a post apocolyptic world taking my small dog outside to use the bathroom. Where rows of houses in my neighborhood once stood was now a dustball of nothingness save for the mobile home we now lived in with broken out windows and a rusty color orange around the frame of the door and windows. To say it was a shithole is an understatement but at least it was a roof over our heads.

I was taking the small dog out when a gang of guys approached me looking like they just stepped out of a movie scene from waterworld they told me they were taking my bigger dog. My baby! I asked why and they said they made a deal with my husband and left it at that. The leader’s voice dripped with inuendo. I reluctantly let them take her as I got the impression they would hurt my family if I didn’t give her up. Then I scolded my husband for making such a deal. I screamed that they may try to eat her and he said, ” Well let’s go get her back then.” Then thankfully the dream dissolved. Now I know what you are thinking I was thinking the same thing when I woke up. “What the hell did I eat?” What does this all mean? I couldn’t tell you.

However, yesterday I was on my way in from my last break and something white caught the corner of my eye and there in real time was the exact trailer from my dream. Busted out windows and that same rusty color around all the windows and door frame! It was being pulled by a semi down the street right in front of me. I did a double take and even almost slapped myself. Because I had to be dreaming still right? But I wasn’t! Here was a part of my dream in real life staring me down. Wtf!

Was I subconsciously searching out this house as my friend suggests? Even though that was not the point of my dream? Or was it the point of the dream and I was receiving some sort of cosmic warning sign? Either way it freaked me out.

However, my next dream was even more daunting than the last one and even though this one happened long ago it still puzzles me.

I was climbing an old worn out set of stairs above a condemned bar. At the top was a door and behind that door was, my past. My ex who after opening the door the dream would switch and I would be chasing him through the streets of Boston trying to kill him. Now I must tell you I had this dream off and on for over twenty years! Then last May he found me on fb. I confronted him and all these years of pent up feelings I had about him. None of it good. Yet, while I was dreaming these dreams I knew they were a dream due to that damned staircase and that stupid door. It even got to the point where as soon as I began the climb. I would actually say in the dream, “Damn, here we go again!”

Once I confronted him though the dreams went away. Or so I thought. Months later I was scrolling through facebook and came across his page with a picture of a house he had just bought to renovate and guess what the picture was of… Yes, it was that same damned stairwell and that same damned door I had been dreaming about for the last twenty years! How is this possible? Because I know my mind wasn’t seeking a connection to that!

How can this be explained? My only explanation is that these dreams are my higher self warning me of something that I still don’t understand. These are synchronicities that have been given to me through some unearthly power as a sign. I just don’t have any clue what they are, yet. Synchronicities are like bread crumbs they make you sit up and take notice in your waking hours when you are too blind to see them. Maybe they were an omen of things to come. Maybe my dreams were actually giving me the strength to say what I needed to say when the time came. All I know is that I am never going to Boston, ever!

I haven’t dreamed these dreams since confronting him maybe it’s because I took from it what I needed but I refuse to believe these synchronicities were just because my mind sought out some sort of connection like the car thing. Anyway you want to look at it they meant something. Whether they brought me peace or not is still up in the air. If you have any thoughts please let me know. If you have had any synchronicities of late I would love to hear them… Until next time and happy dreaming.

Motherhood

To all you mothers out there. I see you. Sometimes it is a lonely road we mothers walk but we still put one foot in front of the other day after day to do what is best for our children.

No matter how many times they break our hearts, no matter how many times we get told, “I hate you”. We trudge on. We are soldiers for our children because in the end, they know not what they do.

We worry and fret over them so much that at times it appears as if we have disappeared altogether and all we can see is them. There is that ball that never seems to go away in the pit of our stomach called stress that forms the moment we hear the doctor confirm those two little words, “you’re pregnant!” It will never go away! As long as you are a mother.

Even when they are grown and you think to yourself “Ah! Finally the hard part is over. I managed to get them to adulthood.” Sometimes that little ball of stress gets worse. Sometimes the hard part is just beginning, because of the decisions they make. You feel helpless to do anything. You feel as if you have failed as a parent. All you can do is sit and watch as the trainwreck happens.

When they get their heartbroken your’s is broken too. When the world beats them down and they feel like there is nothing left for them. You also feel their pain. Even from hundreds if not thousands of miles away. Even if you didn’t raise them. You are mother and child and that is a bond nothing or noone can break. Yet, all you can do is leave them with the comforting thoughtthat you are always there with them in mind, and spirit. If not physically.

We are mothers! We have to be made of sturdy stock. To let go of something that was once a part of us. We are warriors fighting for our kids even when they don’t see it. We don’t do it for the glory or the fame. We do it because we are mothers and that’s what we do.

So the next time you feel like being a mother is to overwehlming. Just remember that pivitol moment when your baby first opened its eyes and you actually looked at each other for the first time with a knowing, an understanding of one another, or the first time your baby grabbed your finger as if to say, “I know who you are and I am okay with it.” Rembember their first words and the first time you heard that one magical word that will change you forever, ” mama.”

Those will be the things you hold dear to your heart, the things you keep closest to you when you feel as if you have lost them to the world. Moments like those are what you will cherish when things are at their darkest.

Yet, you also need to remember you are not alone. I know your pain. I know your sorrow . I know your heartache. To all the mothers out there, I see you.

Synchronicities

Definition of a synchronicity is:

Have you ever had such a thing happen to you?

I have more times than I care to count. When you have something happen in your life that just seems like a coincidence. Just remember THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES!

I am really just scratching the surface of my spirituality and my potential gifts but synchronicities have been following me all my life. I have read numerous books, watched untold amounts of youtube videos about mediums, spirituality, and yes even synchronicities. What every one of those forms of information have said was that the things we experience isn’t mere coincidence it is a synchronicity. They are nudges from our spirit guides, our angels, or even loved ones who have passed. To guide us on the right path. To lead us to a better version of ourselves. To make us sit up and take notice of the choices we make. I for one need that considering the amount of times I have chosen the wrong path.

A synchronicity is a divine intervention if you will and if it is coming around a lot. That just means we are in serious need of a wake up call.

Some examples that have been happening to me ever since I began meditating are:

1. The number 3! It haunts me. I was fooling around mediating one day not really serious about it and I asked for the lottery numbers. Not expecting a response I was shocked when a series of numbers appeared before my minds eye with the powerball number being the number 3! This was the beginning of a long line of things that happened to me over a period of time where that number followed me for weeks. It attached itself to me like a plague. Now I know that praying or meditating for the lottery numbers is not right? There should be no materlistic personal gain from it. And I don’t recomend it but I had been questiong whether or not all the things that were happening to me spiritualy were real or just my overactive imagination. So after weeks of being hounded by this number I did what any person would do in my situation I googled the number 3 and its spiritual signficance. The answered astounded me. See pic below:

So as you can see this number wasn’t telling me the big powerball numbers. It was a confimation to a question about my inner struggle to continue on this path. It was a confirmation of my spiritual awakening and every time I doubt it the number three begins showing itself again!

2. Red Daisies- I did a blog not that long ago where I pictured red daisies fields of them and for a while there everytime I meditated that same field of red daisies was there.

I thought I had just made them up right? Wrong! I read a non- fiction book weeks if not months later and in the last chapter in the last paragraph there were fields and fields of you guessed it…red daisies! Finally, I looked up red daisies on google and once again I was floored at not only their origins but their meaning as well, basically it said that the red daisy was derived from Africa and that it meant spirituality and awakening.

Once again I was given answers to questions through synchronicity that I had sought long and hard for.

3. Did u ever have that moment that you wanted to see an old movie really bad but couldn’t find it anywhere. Then suddenly there it is playing as a special feature every day all month long? I have all my life and that my friend is a synchronicity!

I don’t know what the significance is to a movie unless it is my guides way of showing me to trust my intuition. Either way I have always dubbed this as my “super” power! I have learned more in the last few months about myself than I ever have. All you gotta do is follow the bread crumbs, I mean synchronicities and you will find your path.

What are some synchronicities you have had?

And how did they impact your life?

Epiphany!

I went to a metaphysical meeting last night and there were several subjects discussed. One was numerology, two was synchronicities ( which is the subject I brought to the table) , and three was dreams. Now I have had a lot of dreams in my day and I gotta say even though this was not the subject I brought up, this topic has always facinated me. Simply because of my dreams. According to the metaphysical world or spiritual world dreams are all about guiding us, or even divine intervention a warning of sorts, of things to come.

Having experienced dreams that have had self fullfilling properties or dreams that mean something specific to my life at the time. I can vouch for this. I don’t necessarily know where or who they come from but they come from somwhere, maybe it is just my mind trying to work out the problem at hand. Yet, that doesn’t explain the dreams I have had about someone else who is perfectly fine and in my dream they get sick horribly sick and then suddenly they do in real time.

Are these prophetic dreams? How did they get there? Who or what placed them there? These are questions I have been asking myself for as long as I can remember. However, as I dive deeper into the spiritual world I am convinced someone somewhere planted these particular dreams in my head while I slept.

Which brings me to my current set of puzzled dreams. Now I have always had one off dreams. Where one dream meant something specific. Yet, over the course of the last couple of years I have been having a dream about moving into a new home. The problem is each dream has its own take on the house and what it looks like but in my soul no matter what happens in the dream or what the house looks like it is always the same house. To the untrained mind these dreams may seem like they have absolutely nothing to do with one another but somewhere deep down inside I know it is always the same house. It is just a feeling I get that lets me know sonetimes even in the dream all these houses all these dreams are the same. What does this mean, you ask?

Well, according to the spiritual world and google the house in each dream represent something I have long suspected, it represents, me, but if this is true what were my dreams telling me, about well, me in various scenarios? This has been the puzzle I have been rolling over and over in my mind for quite some time now. Then last night at my meeting as I was regaling the exploits of my activity in these dreams. Light dawned on marble head! The lightbulb of discovery went off in my head! Some call this my aha moment or more acuretly an ephinany!

You see, several months ago I awoke with an appetite for the unknown. I devoured everything I could get my hands on that had anything to do with spirituality, physics, even mediums. I still don’t have a firm grasp on this yet, but I know I am moving in the right direction simply because of the sheer number of things that just keep happening. I have been told by several psychics that I in fact am a medium, yet, I am terrified to persue it on a subconscious level. I have had so many weird experiences in my life it is hard to believe this is not all true and yet, I somehow suppressed it. I ignored the signs in my waking hours that now was the time for me to persue this and so since I do pay attention to my dreams that is where they invaded.

What I didn’t tell you about these seemingly non connected dreams of a house is that in each and every one of them something mystical or paranormal happens in all of them. This is what I discovered last night and why I didn’t see it before now is another question all together. Yet, here I am today awake and recalling every dream with perfect clarity the puzzle that now shows the “big picture”.

Someone, somewhere is telling me even in my dreams that I am psychic, I am a medium. I just haven’t been paying attention, these dreams have even gone so far as to show me my own fear of this unknown journey I am now embarking on. I cannot even describe in words how freeing it has been to finally work out these dreams. I feel as if a ton of weight has been lifted off of me.

All I can tell you is that even when your dreams seem insignificant and small. Watch out because they may just be a small piece of the puzzle to a much larger picture than what you see right now!

Until next time and happy dreaming…