Listen to Steel’s 1st Sunday Open Mic August 2017 by Steel’s Open Mics #np on #SoundCloud
I met someone at my new job that talks about GOD all the time. He is one of those rare souls that was given the oppurtunity to see the underside of hell and come out of it a changed man. God has shown him that things are not always as it appears to be. He has witnessed for himself the true demons that walk among us the true power God holds he is a rarity among the living. Yet, until today everytime he would talk about God and his miracles. I would tend to roll my eyes and think ” not this guy again!” Even though I believe with every part of me he speaks the truth. Why is that?
I still can’t fathom why, is it embarrassment I feel, talking about such a sensitive subject within a diverse group of people, considering how the world is today. Who knows, but as I was talking to two new young guys their eyes lit up and as we began a rather intense conversation about where we come from and all that I began to feel as I always do when speaking of things about our history I know in my heart to be true. I felt revived, alive and happy to be so. I saw the look on their faces and I had to share more of the knowledge that I had. They were thirsting for the word of God and I was glad I was able to help quench that thirst. If only for a little while. As that hunger, that thirst to know God is always present.
Later in the day, as I ran into the man that started it all the friend that talks about God all the time, I began to smile. You see everytime I haven’ talked about God in a while, everytime I feel depressed or alone in this world. He reminds me that he is always there. It wasn’t about me thinking “oh this guy again!” It was about me not feeling as if God was there for me. Yet, once again he reminded me he never left me. I had just stopped paying attention to him.
It is an amazing feeling to know no matter how low you get. There is always someone there in your corner. So thank you friend for reminding me. That God is always watching!
When did it become fall? I mean I know what date the actual season began but usually I begin to notice the leaves changing which is my favorite thing about fall. Yet, as I was on my way home from work the other day. I witnessed a leave falling off a tree. I watched saddened, as it slowly traversed its way down to the rapidly cool earth to its inevitable resting place.
That’s when it hit me. When did it become fall? I have been so busy with kids, work, home that I somehow missed the change from the heat of summer to the perfect cool nights of fall. This was the moment I finally stopped to just look at the beauty before me. I revel in the moment. It reminds me of a simplar time when I raked the leaves and just rolled around in them. Their scent covering me. As I escaped my reality.
If u haven’t noticed before take time today to smell the leaves.
At one of my last open mike nights, someone read a poem that they had written as a child. Now I can’t remember for the life of me what the name of the poem was called or even the poem itself. However, there were key lines that stuck out like a sore thumb and created a great visual.
It said “sunlight dribbled down my chin, clouds stuck to my fingers, and there were rainbows on my tongue.
I can actually picture the sunshine being devoured and it dripping down her chin as well as the clouds sticking to her fingers like cotton candy, and oh, the rainbows like skittles right?
I love stuff like this. It makes me happy just reading it. I challenge anyone to post something that stimulated them as well.
I was not POPULAR or ATHLETIC in high school. My only INTEREST was getting in getting the work done and getting the hell out of there. I was that kid and there was always one like me, that sat in the corner or the back of the class. Never speaking to anyone counting down the minutes in my day until it was over. My life was a never-ending mess. I don’t know why I was so anxious to leave school anyway. It was the only reprieve from my home life. Ah, my home life. Filled with terror on a daily basis I never knew from one moment to the next what I was getting into with my mother. I was often filled with despair and hopelessness something I have never fully recovered from.
As I left home and became and adult I swept most of my childhood and the blight that was high school under the rug so to speak. I was free of the past and so that is exactly where I intended to leave it once I got older and married the love of my life. I thought “finally, I have managed to keep my head above water long enough to survive my youth.” I was the one that always put on a brave face taking pride in the fact that the past didn’t break me. I am now 41 and the past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I don’t know if it is all the emotions I have run through or if is just the feeling that I am free falling with no way of stopping how I land but I feel depressed.
I have never (that I will admit to) felt depressed or anything like this. I recently had the greatest birthday ever but even the joy of reuniting with all of my children quickly waned. Don’t get me wrong I would never hurt myself, but I feel lost. For the first time in my life, I feel a strange sensation as if the end of the world is upon me. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and my body thinks it is much older than it is. I am falling apart from the inside out. Maybe the wear and tear on me physically, is what has got me down. I find no passion in anything. Not even my favorite thing to do which is write. I mean, yes, I am writing now but that is only to try and get this monkey off my back.
I am exhausted, all the time and I can’t even do my laundry without help anymore. No one understands what I go through with my new job where I walk all day long or gets that I am terrified of my constant back pain and what it may mean for me in the near future. However, as long as I am able I will write, it may not be all the time but I will continue to do so long after it pains me to do so, because while I was never the popular or athletic kid in school I was always a writer. Do what makes you happy, even if it breaks your heart to do so.
I can feel his imminent embrace. Coiling around me an adder ready to strike.
He comes to me in my dreams, lulling me into a forever sleep.
During my waking hours, he whispers sweet nothings, begging me to join him in his world.
I have felt his cold skeletal touch many a time, but I fear this time he will truly snatch me away from my reality.
He makes promises of no more pain, no more suffering, I can feel my resolve to simply exist weakening.
He has slowly, over time lowered my defenses, I am getting weaker by the second.
I know he is just biding his time, till he can come and collect my soul.
I grow tired of this constant battle, this war I know I will never win.
for, in the end, DEATH comes for us all.
The night calls to me with her alabaster moon. I flit and I fly but my tiny fairy wings can never reach that high.
The man in the moon mocks me with his never-ending smile. I wish I could dance with him as the stars do if only for a little while.
Maybe one day when he dips down into the sea, I can hitch a ride and wait to rise and be who I was meant to be.
To dance and play among the clouds while the rest of the world falls away, I will live among the stars forever and a day.
I can’t wait til it’s just me against the world, forever a fixture in the constellations of life.