DEATH

I can feel his imminent embrace. Coiling around me an adder ready to strike.

He comes to me in my dreams, lulling me into a forever sleep.

During my waking hours, he whispers sweet nothings, begging me to join him in his world.

I have felt his cold skeletal touch many a time, but I fear this time he will truly snatch me away from my reality.

He makes promises of no more pain, no more suffering, I can feel my resolve to simply exist weakening.

He has slowly, over time lowered my defenses, I am getting weaker by the second.

I know he is just biding his time, till he can come and collect my soul.

I grow tired of this constant battle, this war I know I will never win.

for, in the end, DEATH comes for us all.

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ON FAIRY WINGS

The night calls to me with her alabaster moon. I flit and I fly but my tiny fairy wings can never reach that high.

The man in the moon mocks me with his never-ending smile. I wish I could dance with him as the stars do if only for a little while.

Maybe one day when he dips down into the sea, I can hitch a ride and wait to rise and be who I was meant to be.

To dance and play among the clouds while the rest of the world falls away, I will live among the stars forever and a day.

I can’t wait til it’s just me against the world, forever a fixture in the constellations of life. Screenshot_2017-08-28-20-50-31

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you tubing it

     Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my first youtube vlog! I am a writer who is trying to get her stuff out there and so I thought maybe this is just another level of doing that. If the “Beiber” can get discovered on Youtube then I thought why can’t I at least use it to my advantage to be heard, as well. There were several things I wanted to discuss and I will probably go through all of my list, eventually. However, I feel compelled to speak on one thing right now and I even open up my channel for comments and questions below. I, like my taste in music, am not tied to one genre or the other when I write so my vlog will be the same. I have also added a link to my blog below as well so feel free to peruse that as well. If nothing else I know it can give you some really great writing ideas!

Before I dive into what I want to talk about let me tell you a little about myself. I am 40 years old a wife and a mother. I grew up in Arkansas and no need to make jokes (I’ve heard them all) I am a Southern Belle in every sense of the word. Well, what I think of as a Southern Belle. I know, I know when you think of Southern Belle you think of Ball Gowns and high heels, perfectly manicured nails and hair coifed to perfection. mint juleps on a hot summer night and a delicate fan I use to fan myself. But there is another type of Southern Belle and fortunately, I fall into that category. One that would rather play in the mud than wear a dress. One that has more guy friends than girlfriends. One that wears daisy dukes and cowboy boots. And doesn’t give a damn what others think of her. one that would rather drink moonshine and whiskey than any ol mint julep. That is what a southern belle is to me. And I am proud to be one. I grew up in a south that churns out tomboys like water Where cotton fields as far the eye can see is nature’s backdrop and there is always at least one car up on blocks in my tiny town (where everyone knows everyone) that is almost imperceptible due to the unmowed yard. That is what I grew up with. Not to mention I grew up with an abusive mother and step-father that still to this day has never truly seen me. Despite this ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a writer. Ever since I could legibly write my own name a passion was born. I was 5. I voraciously read everything and anything I could get my hands on and by the time I was 13 I was sneaking my mother’s romance books and reading those as well. Needless to say, it was very educational and my vocabulary became quite extensive for a 13-year-old.

I grew up in the Bible belt. I went to church and by the time I was 16 I was a very confused young girl. my mother would go on and on about how everything I did I was going to hell over and yet, she would beat me  I went to a Pentecostal church which was in an old run down strip mall just the other side of the train tracks. Yes, I was a Pentecostal or “holy roller” if you will. People would speak in tongues and then someone else would suddenly have the gift to interpret what was being said. One day someone began speaking in tongues right in the middle of the service that lasted about 15 minutes. When they were done the pastor himself came over to me and laid his hands on my shoulders and said: “That was for you, it was God speaking through her to let you know you are one of his chosen, one of the people he has chosen to spread his word”.  As he smiled down at me I almost laughed in his face. How could I be called to preach by God himself when I didn’t even know if I truly believed in him. Being that I was just trying to survive my hypocrite of a mother. Yet, I had witnessed with my own eyes the speaking in tongues and knew there was a higher power at work. I knew there was a God and yet, I was so confused about religion, God, all of it. Which would I would carry into my adult years if only for a brief time.I would in the next couple of years be exposed to all kinds of religions and I gotta say it helped me form my opinions I still cherish today. 

   I, later on, had some experiences with God himself ones that changed me forever. Letting me know no matter what I believe, he does exist. I grew up being told never question the Bible everything in it is fact, it is the first book in recorded history. It is blasphemous to question God’s word. I was okay with that, for a while. Until I met my very best friend. Who is not only the one person in all of my life that has encouraged me to write but she also opened up my mind to the possibility that while yes the Bible is recorded history, it doesn’t tell the entire story of our past! It hints at things here or there but not the whole of our past is in there. I once again became voracious for answers I read anything and everything I could get my hands on about God, religion, and our past. It is human nature to questions things and there is that one question that looms over us all and the one question I am sure every single one of us has asked ourselves. Where do I come from?

   This is the purpose of my Vlog today. I feel compelled to share with all of you what I have learned and what I know in my heart is true. I am no expert mind you, I am just your average American woman that has had a long relationship with God. One who has just begun to read between the lines of what the Bible actually says and it is mind blowing. You know it is funny I used to be told you can read the same verse in the Bible twenty times and get something different out of it every single time. I never believed it until now. Maybe I have come full circle and the preacher in me has finally emerged or maybe the writer in me feels the need to share. I believe that God gives us all talents (most people that have met me would say I have the gift of gab) but I truly believe my gift is the gift of writing. I have been writing various things over the past couple of years yet, something or someone (point up) has been compelling me to use my talents to write about what I have found, and so I am. I want to thank my friend I believe in my heart of hearts she was placed in my path for this very reason. To get me on the path of what I am supposed to be doing she has no idea that her prompting me to do what I was born to do has released my damaged soul. It has given me a peace I have never known so thank you dear friend of mine.

First, thing I want to discuss is the word religion. It used to be something sacred to me. Yet, as I got older and became more aware of the world I realized that word has been reduced to nothing more than business. You ever notice that. I know what I believe and I know I don’t ever remember reading about a rich religion in the Bible. It has become an organization a crutch to steer us away from the really important things.  I learned long ago, I am not Pentecostal, I am not Catholic, I am not Baptist, I am not a Jehova’s witness. Labeling myself, a religion isn’t what is going to get me to the pearly gates. It is believing in something more than myself, it is being kind to others, it is loving thy neighbor even when they don’t deserve it. I can do all of these things without a label. Religion has become an institution and I am not one to be institutionalized. Conformity is not the key to heaven.

This also ties into the other thing I want to mention. I was raised the Bible is it. It is the word, the only word. I was raised as if God himself had brought down the Bible on a cloud from the heavens and plopped it into someone’s hands and said, “go now copy this for everyone.” I have since learned that this is not the case. The Bible in a funny twist of irony was written by man. It was certain apostles and ‘chosen people to write their story and write accounts of what they saw. It was then another religious faction that put the books of the Bible together and decided amongst themselves what the rest of us should be believing as they left out several books. Not just several by my count there are over 300 books of the Bible that were left out of what we now know as the Bible today. Why would they do that? Knowing how curious humanity is why would they leave out key points of the origins of humanity. I can only think of one reason to conform us all to their way of thinking. Because even when humanity was just peeking out and making their mark on the world “religion” was a business. A business they intended not to lose. There have been wars fought, people killed, blood in the streets, children dying in their mother’s arms, whole cities wiped out, and for what, the sake of their religion, or their business? I can tell you now, God doesn’t care what religion you label yourself. Because in the end, that is not what gets you eternity in his house.

Back to the Bible, I have read it not all of it but enough to know there are in fact pieces missing. The big one being that Angels walked among us. This is where the crack in all I had ever believed in began to show. This is the moment that my viewpoint became slightly skewed and believe me once you fall down this particular rabbit hole there is no going back. So turn away now if you don’t want your world rocked on its axis because once your mind is blown there is no going back. Although the Bible doesn’t go into detail about the Angels too much there are scriptures that allude to the fact that they were here and even laid with mankind to produce offspring called the Nephilim. In the King James Version of the Bible, the word Nephilim is never used however there are scriptured alluding to the fact that they did exist. My favorite scripture in the Bible is in

NUMBERS Chapter 13 verse 32 and 33

 

32. AND THEY BROUGHT UP AN EVIL REPORT OUT OF THE LAND WHICH THEY HAD SEARCHED UNTO THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL, SAYING, THE LAND, THROUGH WHICH WE HAVE GONE TO SEARCH IT, IS A LAND THAT EATETH UP THE INHABITANTS THEREOF, AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT WE SAW IN IT ARE MEN OF A GREAT STATURE.

33. AND THERE WE SAW THE GIANTS, THE SONS OF ANAK, WHICH  COME OF THE GIANTS: AND WE WERE IN OUR OWN SIGHT AS GRASSHOPPERS, AND SO WE WERE IN THEIR EYES.

These two verses prove these “Giants” were in fact Nephilim. My friend said her mind was blown when she had a discussion with someone about how vengeful God was in the Old Testament. He would send people to cities to wipe them out entirely man, woman, child all of them. At first, she didn’t believe them and being raised as I was said it was blasphemous but then she began to read the Bible with new eyes and realized her friend was right. But why? Why would God be so vengeful as to wipe out children for no reason? Then it clicked to her. These cities weren’t filled with humans, they were filled with the abominations of these angels the product of the Angels laying with humans. Now, I read recently that the scripture above is a metaphor for political “Giants”. What? My God doesn’t care about politics. He cared about the Angels screwing up his creation! And so he began the task of ridding the earth of such atrocities. The scriptures above are just a glimpse into just one of the cities God sent man to destroy and while they were doing recon they realized how huge these creatures were. It goes on to say that they brought back with them Grapes so big several men had to carry them. How can you make that political? It sounds like something straight out of a movie right? I ask you though if these creatures these “giants” were a metaphor for a politcal giant why was their food so large?

Another scripture further proving this theory is In Genisis Chapter six verse 1-4

 

GENISIS 6: 1-4

  1. AND IT CAME TO PASS, WHEN MEN BEGAN TO MULTIPLY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, AND DAUGHTERS WERE BORN TO THEM. 
  2.  THAT THE SONS OF GOD SAW THE DAUGHTERS OF MEN THAT THEY WERE FAIR; AND THEY TOOK THEM WIVES OF ALL WHICH THEY CHOSE. 
  3. AND THE LORD SAID, MY SPIRIT SHALL NOT ALWAYS STRIVE WITH MAN. FOR THAT HE ALSO IS FLESH: YET HIS DAYS SHALL BE AN HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS.
  4.  THERE WERE GIANTS IN THE EARTH IN THOSE DAYS; AND ALSO AFTER THAT, WHEN THE SONS OF GOD CAME UNTO THE DAUGHTERS OF MEN, AND THEY BARE CHILDREN TO THEM, THE SAME BECAME MIGHTY MEN WHICH WERE OF OLD, MEN OF RENOWN.

 

The son’s of God lay with the daughter’s of man, and they bare children of them. Wow! How can you not believe in the Nephilim after that?The part where it says the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown. I used to think of the word renown as something great political maybe but the true definition is known or talked about by many people. Famous! So it is safe to say that these “Giants” were talked about. Ones with strength the size of ten men, powerful, almost unkillable. I bet the name “Hercules” is running through your mind right now right! All but reduced to a myth, Hercules was larger than the average man he was super strong and so renown that he is even talked about today. I am not saying that Hercules really existed but what if some form of him did?  If these “Giants” were here which judging by the scriptures I have already read they did. Then the mystery of who really built the pyramids is solved. Right?

I love the show Ancient Aliens. Not because I believe in aliens. but because I believe it touches on part of our history lost to us. If you could just replace the word alien with angels it all comes together like puzzle pieces making the picture a bit clearer. It does frustrate me to no end that the men on there college educated men, totally believe in strange men from another world coming to earth long ago. But the idea that they were actually fallen angels and that they were already here is lost to them. If we look around at our world the ancient civilizations the tombs left behind by our ancient ancestors the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. There are ancient relics ancient monuments that prove we were once not alone. As far as it being aliens I laugh at the concept. Between what they left behind and the little glimpses into the Bible we are allowed to see it is clearly not the case. Mind blown yet?

Join me each week as I discover more about our ancient ancestors and get a little bit closer to answering that ultimate question WHERE DO WE COME FROM?

I would love any feedback and anything you want to  talk about please comment below.  Also feel free to stop by my blog at any time the link is below.

 

SHALLOW

I was buried in a shallow grave.  A dog found me while its owner was taking him for a walk while simultaneously jogging. I could feel his wet nose press against my skin and hear his bark to his master signaling that he had found something peculiar. A quick gasp and a shout and I could tell the jogger had found me. I could hear him dialing on his cell phone telling 911 that he had found a dead body, on the jogging trail in Central Park. The sirens soon began to pierce my ears and as they got closer and closer I became anxious. I tried to speak to let them know I was in fact still alive, but no sound escaped me. I tried to move but there was nothing.

Panic set in, as I hear doors slamming and other voices I just know they would take me to the morgue thinking I am already dead. I felt a sudden heat over my face and quickly realized someone was breathing over me. I felt plastic fingers checking for a pulse and orders being shouted to get a gurney over here now. The technician’s voice soothed me as he let someone else know there was a pulse but it was thready. I could hear metal clicking together as the weight of the dirt was lifted off of me. Now exposed completely to the world I felt naked but knew help was here to help me. Pain seared my arms and legs as they very slowly lifted me out of the earth the twigs and leaves scraping my already damaged skin.

I was lifted up and then placed on something soft and comfortable. Then slammed into the back of the ambulance, my body jolted but being this close to death I no longer felt it. The siren started again as I was raced to the hospital all the while I could hear the EMT’s and what I am assuming a police officer conversing. I caught snippets of the conversation as I went in and out of consciousness. There was something about a serial killer, still on the loose, and I had been the seventh body to be found. According to the officer, I was the only one he had left alive, and judging by the way he had left me he thought I was dead.

What they do not know is that I can’t die. Something happened in the midst of my death. I stepped away from my body and as I watched the blood pour out of me and the killer smile his evil smile as he buried me in my shallow grave I was visited by an Angel. One that was there to take me away but my refusal to do so left him intrigued and so he gifted me with the ability to walk between the veil of life and death. To be able to snatch life away and bring death down upon the earth if I so chose to or vice versa. As the ambulance stopped I was rushed to the hospital soon there were needles being poked in my arm I.V. drips being added. I spent the next several weeks going in and out of consciousness waiting for the day I cold open my eyes and speak.

Today I was released, I gave my statement to the nice policeman and as I listen to them all say it was a miracle that I survived I know now why I had. I was meant for more than just being a victim. I was meant to right the wrongs, and punish those slip past the law. I was plastered all over the news so by now my, would be killer knows he fucked up. He should have really checked for a pulse before he left me there like a dog to die, and now I know his name as well. I now walk the night in the shadows of life and death, that is my purpose. I round the corner of the alley where he first grabbed, a wicked smile curves my mouth as the moonlight shines down on me. I am watching, waiting, for my murder and I whisper, in the dark “Come to me, my sweet death awaits you, and I am she!”

 

 

 

 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shallow/”>Shallow</a&gt;

TAKE A LITTLE DRIVE

I was driving back home from a doctor’s appointment this morning. I swung by McDonald’s for a cheap breakfast before heading home to shower and get ready for work. I was driving down a back road watching the light drizzle pitter patter on the windshield.  My windows rolled down,  as I have no air and even though it is raining it is still Summer. I felt a  moment of peace with the light breeze blowing through my hair, the overcast day making it just right to be outside, enjoying my drive when it hit me.

Suddenly a memory wafted through the car, just as the breeze had and a smile escaped me. I was once told that I would never be able to get behind the wheel of a car, due to my permanent disability. That was when I was 13 years old, a disability caused by repeated abuse from my mother. I was crushed heartbroken even, not to mention it is one of those things a 13-year-old isn’t even contemplating yet, and here I was being told to never even try to learn to drive. Yet, here I was this morning driving, one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes the weather is just right, the music lilting through the speaker is just right, and you just know this is as good as life can get.

This got me thinking of all the things I have been told I would never be able to do.  At one time in my life, I was pissed. Pissed that I had not even been able to make my mark on the world and here I was being told you can’t! For years this anger this, disability became my crutch. I found it was easier to give up than to try. However, this morning I was reminded that I have beat every odd set before me. Starting with my birth. I was reminded throughout all the things I was told I would never do by doctor’s, school counselors, my mother. That I have proven all of them wrong. Anything from being happily married, to holding a job, to something as simple as driving a car. I have beat all the odds stacked against me, and it makes me smile. No longer one of satisfaction in proving these people wrong, but a smile of gratification that I did not let them win.

In just over a month I will be 41, and while I started blogging just over 2 years ago, and a book on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and another one just finished. I still have people in my life that don’t consider me a writer. Or think I do this for fun. Yes, it is true writing is fun for me but it is not a hobby. It is the thing that brings me peace. It is the thing that makes me smile in the wake of all the negativity because I know I have defeated all odds in the past and I will defeat the odds now. I spent years letting others were me down, I spent years thinking I am not good enough so why bother. I was reminded this morning that even with me letting all the naysayers win the battle, eventually I won the war with myself and proved them wrong. That is still true as I will win this war too and prove all of them wrong once again. Nothing can stop me now, but me!