I look down at hands that are now a strangers. When did I get this old when did my hands become those of an old lady! Sure there are no sun spots and few wrinkles but with my dark skin and all the scars, they have aged to the point I can no longer recognize them. What the hell!

The grey hair that is now multiplying like rabbits tells yet another story. What is happening to me! Just yesterday I was 18 and graduating thinking that the year of 2016 was something out of a science fiction novel and the thought of being 40 would be the age of the crypt keeper. Yet here I am almost 40 not in a science fiction but living life. I am not as old as I thought I would be back then. All those years ago and they went by in a flash.

What’s next the crow’s feet! The saggy boobs! I shudder at the  thought. I can’t even begin to imagine what the next 10 years will look like. Man, I hope I’m not bald by then.




Obstacles are the bane of my existence! My life has been filled with every obstacle that life can throw at me. Yet I’m still standing!  How is this possible you say? Well, it is a head scratcher for sure. I don’t even know. Well, I guess I do! Only by the grace of God!

Every time I have overcome one thing and think “There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Wham! Some other obstacle inevitably follows. That feeling that “I just can’t catch a break” or “bad things only happen to good people” has been a mantra of mine since I could draw breath. Yet, here I am still standing here having overcome each and every one of them. Waiting for the next one to arrive.

I realize now these are not obstacles! These are life! I am living it and sometimes there are ups and sometimes there are downs. Deal with it! The choices we make about said obstacles and how we deal with them make us who we are. Without these obstacles, we would lead pretty boring lives. Yes, I would love some boredom once in a while but these obstacles build our character and make Us the people we were meant to be.

<a href=””>Obstacles</a&gt;







Max traces the CURVE of Jennifer’s body with his fingertips. Roughned calloused hands gently graze down her bare back sending shivers down her spine. She licks her lips as she turns her head to face him and her dirty blonde locks fall into her eyes. The sandman’s dream filled sleep has evaporated as he goes in for another trace of her body. Now fully awake she is completely turned on.

Her cowboy sure knew how to use his hands. most women didn’t like the callouses from, a man’s hands but not her. The roughness added some extra stimuli to her rapidly fraying nerve endings. Now caressing her, she felt bad and decided that she needed to let her fingers do the walking as she walked them over to his already half  erect cock. Slipping her hand into the flap in his boxers she grasped him he was instantly rock hard. Now hard as steel Jennifer licked her lips. Thinking about sliding the pink tip into her mouth made her almost giddy with excitement.

He continued to graze her body with his fingers as if nothing was going on all he while he began to quake from her ministrations. With her hand wrapped tightly around his turgid girth, she began to slowly raise her hand up and down. Suddenly he shifted his hands and they were now all over her rubbing her ass, her hair, and now digging under her to get to her sweet candy center.

Rolling over giving him more access brought his erection even closer to her mouth that was even now peeking out of his boxers. Licking her lips again Max caught the action and a growl escaped him. Obviously thinking the same damned thing she was. He reached up and roughly grabbed her left breast and tweekd her nipple alomst to a painful point. Getting more turned on by the second he knew exactly what he was doing and where to affect her the most. Thinking turn about is fair play she finally did the one thing that would send him over the edge. She stuck her pink tounge out and licked the slit in the head of his cock.

Going ramrod straight he was definatly growling now and she continued licking until he was vibrating so bad she thoought he might vibrate them right off the bed. Finally having had enough foreplay her wrenched himself from her grip and flipped her over fully spreading her legs wide for him as he went.

Positioning himself above her she did become giddy and a giggle slipped between her lips. This was going to be so much fun. Another giggle slipped out as she thought “The trouble with the CURVE is that it always leads to sex”…

<a href=””>Curve</a&gt;





As I sit here in solitude! Looking out at the greenery all around me I can’t help but feel at peace in the twilight hours. Watching the sun set over the horizon while I listen to my favorite songs on my playlist. It is a beautiful spring night. I sit here one with nature all is right with my world. In this moment, I am at peace. In my solitude, there are no rampant thoughts running through my head, no chores to do, nothing just me and the trees, grass, and the sky. That is now turning dark almost too dark to see the blanket I crochet in my hands.

This feeling of utter peace delights me! I never want this moment to end and know with the darkness coming it soon will. This moment is fading quickly and I hate that it is getting so dark. Yet, with the darkness comes a whole new score of possibilities. It is dark and put the crocheting down for the evening. Not wanting to let my night with nature end I start a fire and watch as the red and blue flames eat away at the wood I have placed there.

This is another moment I want, no need to hold on to. Here I sit in my solitude, nothing else on my mind but the fire that licks at the wood. I sit and listen to the sizzle, the crackling, and the hiss of the flame. I love being alone like this and  am so elated that it is just me and the fire and my playlist.

For once it is just me, in my solitude…

<a href=””>Solitude</a&gt;






Crossroads! I have thought about this term often throughout my life. Take 2 people that live in two different states they have nearly the same upbringing of abuse and neglect. Yet when it comes down to their crossroads. The decision we all have to make as an adult. One chooses the easy path of drugs, abuse, and perverseness while the other takes the road less travelled.

The path, the thinking “I can do better” despite their upbringing. This has always puzzled me. I, of course, took the road less travelled and have become a much better human being because of it. I know it is hard to take that road and I still struggle even today not to fall off the wagon so to speak and just give in to those baser urges. When they have been engrained in you for 18 years it is all you know. Yet I knew even as a teenager there simply had to be a better way. A better quality of life, if you will.

What makes one person stronger than ever and another too weak to face reality. At some point, we as adults need to take responsibility for our own actions and stop blaming our parents. They can only do so much to screw us up before we become adults and choose something different. Something better.

Yes, I have made mistakes and yes, I am not perfect but you know the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. I guess that since I have overcome so much and come out the better for it, stronger despite  it, I can’t understand why others can’t. Maybe they are just weak minded and can’t overcome the horrors of their past. Maybe they just feel sorry for themselves and can’t break that chain.

I feel bad for those yet at the same time if you are not willing to crawl through the muck and the mire to deal with it and move on. Then I have no respect for you. Turning to drugs, prostitution, even the most common, more abuse. Is not the answer! It will only make you miserable and not someone people want to be around. You will be alone and desperate forever that is the sad part here.

I know it is always hard to make the conscious decision to be better than how you were raised. I was one of those people but it is so worth it in the end. Only you can make that change no one else. You have to want to see the light at the end of what seems to be a very dark never ending tunnel, but I am here to say it can be done. That is to date my biggest accomplishment. Overcoming my past and choosing to be a better human being in spite of my past.

When I look myself in the mirror I want to feel I made the right decision. Not hang my head with shame over the choices I have made. Everyone, in this life I have learned, will at some point come to a CROSSROADS! It is the path you choose that determines what kind of person you want to be…

<a href=””>Crossroads</a&gt;




I hear my name  a whisper on the breeze! As I sit here under the shade of my favorite tree. The sun shining down on me warming me from the inside out. The skies as blue as the blue on any given hot summer day and it is only spring. I rise from my blanket as the wind carries my name on its lips once more and I look around but I am utterly alone. Alone with my thoughts and dreams that I have kept to myself for way too long.

I look around again but no one is there. I sit back on  the blanket determined not to let the eerie sound of my name in the wind spoil my moment. I fold my jean clad legs Indian style and lean back as I close my eyes to feel the sun peeking through the branches above me. Sinking my bare feet into the damp earth from last night’s storm.

I am at peace I am in this moment and I never want it to end. As I let the gentle breeze fluff my hair and the sun overtake me. All my stress of the day is carried away as I once again here my name only, this time, it is louder. My eyes instantly pop open and know someone is calling me! But where? I lean up and take a closer look at my surroundings. The rolling hills with miles and miles of beautiful green grass and wildflowers as far as the eye can see, distract me momentarily. I have never felt closer to god than I do right now.

“HOLLY”, okay I definitely heard it now someone shouted my name, but who knows I’m here? No one I have been coming to this very spot for years and I have never told one living soul. This is my special place. Did someone follow me here? Who is it? Frantically looking around I finally get up the courage to respond. “Who, who’s there”, I say nervously. Not expecting a response I am shocked when my grandmother materializes right before my eyes. My dead grandmother!

She looks at me with a sort of sadness in her eyes and reaches out her hand. “It is time cookie. Time to come home”, she whispers lightly. “Home, what are you talking about and how can I see you. You’re,  you’re dead!” I scream barely hanging on to my sanity I must be dreaming. This cannot be real and why did she have to call me cookie.  That was her pet name for me while she was still alive.  She shakes her head and a small sheepish smile peeks through.

” I know you are scared baby, but it is time to go.You have lounged here in this world long enough. I need you to come with me. You seem to be having trouble remembering what happened to you. Just take my hand and all will be revealed”, she stated in that firm tone that always made me listen to her.

I am really losing it I am standing here under my favorite tree talking to my dead grandmother. Reminded of my tree I look back at it and it begins to change right there. It is no longer beautiful and leafy it appears as if it is dying. I look out at the meadow and the flowers I was admiring not 5 minutes ago now seem to be wilting. “What , what is happening to me”, I stammer and before I can react my grandmother engulfs me in a warm embrace. I jerk back not wanting to be touched by her convinced this apparition is not my grandmother.

However, the damage was done her touch caused a flood of memories. Suddenly I am back in my car driving back from the store in the pouring rain around midnight. There is a deer I swerve to miss it and plow into a tree. Oh my God! My tree! I can see myself now as if I am floating above my body. I see the girl I no longer am bleeding out in the front seat the seat belt strangling what life I have left in me. I feel sorry for that girl that is now gone as everything goes dark.

Jerking back to reality I drop to my knees in the damp earth sobbing. I remember my grandmother and look up at her through the waterfalls pouring out of my eyes. “I’m, I’m dead” I choke out. “Yes my dear, I am here to take you to the other side. Where you will find peace and love. This is only the beginning.” she says in her matter of fact tone. I raise up still sniffing and clasp her hand in mine.

As we walk into the shadows of what’s next. I look back one last time at my tree. There is no more breeze, no more sun, just a whisper of the girl I once was…


<a href=””>Whisper</a&gt;




“Something old, something new, something BORROWED, something blue,” Harley thought to herself as a giggle escaped. It was just dawning on her that today was the day. The day all of her dreams came true. The day she was marrying the man of her dreams, Luke. They had been high school sweethearts ripped apart by going off to college for four years.

The moment she saw him walking through central park 2 years after graduating she knew. It was like fate had brought them together in the same city. They had met up and the rest, as they say, was history. Here she sat now three years after they reunited in the perfect dress waiting to start her perfect life with the perfect man.

Tears of happiness threatened to spill down her face ones she refused to let fall lest they mess up the makeup that had taken hours to get just right. She heard a noise outside the room and snuck a peek at the commotion going on outside. There he was the man of the hour her Luke dressed in the handsome tux she had hand picked herself. He was so stunning. Another lone tear threatened, teetering on the edge of her eyelid.

He was pacing back and forth in front of her room looking tense and pensive she noticed for the first time. It struck her then what could he possibly be doing in front of her room like that. Harley didn’t have to wait long her best friend Sandra suddenly rounded the corner and jumped into his arms. What the hell! Now kissing she could not believe the nightmare that was unfolding in front of her.

Luke stopped the kiss and said “this is wrong Sandra I don’t want to hurt Harley and if she found out we dated before she came back into my life she wold just die. I can’t keep doing this I love you Sandra but I also love Harley and the thought of hurting her would kill me.”

“I know you love her”, Sandra said “not like you love me though Luke you were always the good guy always doing the right thing even if it means sacrificing  your own happiness! How fair is that to you!” Sandra ended with that as she now trailed her fingers down the very same tux she had helped Harley pick out.

Closing the door softly Harley let the tears fall freely now! He wasn’t in love with her! That was the mantra that kept rolling around in her head. How did she not see it! She had been so wrapped up in the engagement and the planning of the wedding she hadn’t even thought that it was an obligatory proposal.

She swiped the tears fro her eyes and realized there was only one thing to do! Run! she wasn’t staying here where she really wasn’t wanted! Stripping out of the wedding dress and back into her jeans and sweater she slipped on her sneakers grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Just as she reached the handle she realized she could still hear voices in the hall. Thinking better of it she looked around and as her gaze landed on the partially opened window. Racing to it and shoving it all the way open. A breath of relief escaped her.

As she jumped out the window and headed across the filled parking lot to her car. The tears came again. She still had something old her car, she still had something new the outfit she had on, she was now blue due to the way this day was ending but she didn’t have anything borrowed. I guess she had been the one borrowing the groom and now she was returning him back to where he belonged…

<a href=””>Borrowed</a&gt;