I have become obsessed with the past. Last night. I was up until the wee hours of the morning just staring into the hazy memories. It got me wondering have you lost sleep over me too?
I cannot for the life of me remember what you smell like. Or the taste of your lips upon mine, but I do remember the way you made me feel. I went from being cradled in your arms safe and secure to insignificant and small.
You brought out a wildness in me I never knew. One moment we were carefree and discovering the mysteries of the world together and the next we were two strangers staring into the abyss of, nothingness.
For so long I hated you and all you represent. Your name was like acid dripping off my tongue and turned to ashes in my mouth. Now there is just a dull ache over…what might of been.
If only you had been different if only I had been different. If only. I only now realize why I hated you so much. It wasn’t all the horrible things you did. It was that you somehow managed to set me free of my gilded cage and in turn, you tried to trap me in another.
While I raged for many years, in the end, your hold wasn’t strong enough to contain me. The day I let you go was the dawn of a new day. I may not have seen it right away but that was the day I was set free.
Set free of my earthbound shackles and I much like the caterpillar emerging as a beautiful butterfly. I took to the skies. I was able to soar above the wreckage that was you and me. A little singed but taking flight nonetheless.
I was beautiful in all my damaged glory. Wearing my scars like badges for all the world to see. Now as I look back on our strangled past. I smile as it gave me the strength to fly high, it gave me the wisdom to know I am worthy of flying.
As a Phoenix, I rose from the ashes of our intrepid past and overcame you, and then, myself. You became my nightmare, my demon in the dark. Now I see I had to experience you to get to me.
Alone in the darkness, I am no longer afraid. This past of which I face I have come to realize there is no more us, there is no more you, it’s just me standing tall and proud. The lone survivor of a distant memory.