It has occurred to me what with the horrific week I have had that things are not always as they seem. I just spent a blissful couple of hours with my best friend we watched THE CRAFT, and as much as I loved this movie it got me thinking of what Sarah says at the end of the movie “Relax it’s only magic.” Meaning it is a trick of the mind that is played on you and despite your fears, most of it is in your head. I have concocted some weird theory’s in the last week as to why a certain someone would even contact me after twenty-one years. Some old feelings even came up and whether they were good or bad I realized it doesn’t matter.
It was all an illusion, black magic if you will of a time long dead and that I want no part of. I have been through the emotional ringer this week and for what? So that I could dwell on a past that no longer exists? Sure I went through some hard times, but I now know, no amount of I’m sorry’s will ever be enough! No matter what this individual says to me I no longer care! I was asked, by this person, “Do you regret?” I can honestly say… no! Even though I have a past filled with heartache, and pain I regret nothing because it got me to where I am right here in this moment. It may be a trick of the brain or some sort of practical magic, but I have grown more as a person, nay a human being in the past week than I have in years. I learned to let the past go and concentrate on the here and now. Although was a much-needed break from reality, I know when the morning comes and the sun rises I am a changed person.
I can feel for the first time in many years, a feeling of peace I thought would never happen. As I gaze out the window into the darkness I am no longer afraid of the magic it holds, as I feel the breeze wafting gently over my skin I know that I am whole I am no longer at war with myself. That may be the magic of it all, the illusion I cling to in the dark but it is one I hope to hold on to for a very long time.