DRUNK SATURDAY 05-20-2017

It has occurred to me what with the horrific week I have had that things are not always as they seem. I just spent a blissful couple of hours with my best friend we watched THE  CRAFT, and as much as I loved this movie it got me thinking of what  Sarah says at the end of the movie “Relax it’s only magic.” Meaning it is a trick of the mind that is played on you and despite your fears, most of it is in your head. I have concocted some weird theory’s in the last week as to why a certain someone would even contact me after twenty-one years. Some old feelings even came up and whether they were good or bad I realized it doesn’t matter.

It was all an illusion, black magic if you will of a time long dead and that I want no part of. I have been through the emotional ringer this week and for what? So that I could dwell on a past that no longer exists? Sure I went through some hard times, but I now know, no amount of I’m sorry’s will ever be enough! No matter what this individual says to me I no longer care! I was asked, by this person, “Do you regret?” I can honestly say… no! Even though I have a past filled with heartache, and pain I regret nothing because it got me to where I am right here in this moment. It may be a trick of the brain or some sort of practical magic, but I have grown more as a person, nay a human being in the past week than I have in years. I learned to let the past go and concentrate on the here and now. Although was a much-needed break from reality, I know when the morning comes and the sun rises I am a changed person.

I can feel for the first time in many years, a feeling of peace I thought would never happen. As I gaze out the window into the darkness I am no longer afraid of the magic it holds, as I feel the breeze wafting gently over my skin I know that I am whole I am no longer at war with myself. That may be the magic of it all, the illusion I cling to in the dark but it is one I hope to hold on to for a very long time.

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One thought on “DRUNK SATURDAY 05-20-2017

  1. Hang In there keep writing. Sorry you had a rough week. Mine was okay and not okay…but one minute at a time. I have an evil force in my work life and it irritates me to no end…unfortunately she is my boss. She screams at me in front of everyone when she says my name and I say what…it’s so humiliating. I don’t do it on purpose and I don’t do it to get a reaction…she is just a hateful person…so hang in there…I get it…(((((((HUGS)))))))))

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