The day he died he died for us. It was the plan and yet, it was also the worst humanity had to offer. It was a death that should never have been but he did it anyway. He died for my sins so I could be washed clean of all my wrongdoings and start anew. He died for me, for you, for your sister, your brother, your mother, your father, everyone. He died by the hands of the very souls he was trying to save.  He died a brutal death one of pain, suffering, and agony, and yet he stayed. He could have climbed down that cross at any moment and simply said I have had enough. Yet, he knew the plan even when we couldn’t see it for ourselves and he stayed. He knew his death was imminent and still, he stayed. I wonder if he regrets, his actions as he looks down upon mankind now, at how far we have fallen since that fateful day so long ago. I wonder does he regret it,  I guess only time will tell.

How can you say you love me? When all you seem to do is bitch and moan about my very existence. This supposed love you say you have for me. Feels more like torture than anything resembling love. Your touch on my skin feels like death awaiting me. You talk as if I am nothing to you. Not the miracle God chose to give to you. You haven’t earned the title given to you called mother. You have crushed my spirits one too many times. You have broken my dreams on too many occasions. Now here you sit no children to care for you no grandchildren to fill your home with laughter. No one to hold your hand in your final days. Do you regret the choices you’ve made, I guess only time will tell.

I am grown and I have been through it, life that is. Every choice I have made, ever step I have taken has gotten me here. Some of them bad, some of them good, and yet there is that part of me that still sees what she saw the daughter of no one, the empress of nothing. Then there is the part of me that he sees the man that died for my sins the man that went through the ultimate sacrifice for me. I realize I may not be the daughter she wants but I am the daughter he loves. The dark cloud of my past may haunt me forever, but the fact that it didn’t break me and I held fast to his love in my darkest hours comforts me. Will the ghost of my past haunt me forever or will the pain of lost love finally ebb, I guess only time will tell.




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