WRITE A POST IN REPSOnSE TO ToDAY’S ONE -W ORD PROMPT.
Trust is a hard one! I grew up in a small town in Arkansas and let me stop you right there yes I have heard all the jokes! Haha! Not funny. As I sit here putting to bed another chapter in my autobiography I am here to tell you most of those “jokes” are true. My graduation was a joke There were fewer girls walking across that stage that didn’t have children or were pregnant than there were not. What are all small towns that boring that you need to have unprotected sex and get pregnant before graduating? I don’t get it either most of these girls were really smart was it some sort of smart girl requirement to graduate?
Even though I got mostly A’s I guess I wasn’t smart enough or maybe I just wasn’t in the right click. I grew up with two parents neither of which should have ever been parents. My mother whom I now affectionately call Satan’s right-hand man. Then there was my step-father that when he was there (which was seldom) would make advances toward me. Being that he was not actually my father I guess he felt entitled. Maybe he thought it was some kind of dare I say harem. I don’t know how considering I grew up in a double-wide trailer, not some fancy castle.
Either way, my trust in the sheer nature of humanity died out long before I ever knew what the word truly meant. To trust with all of you. To know in no uncertain terms that you can give your all to someone and trust that they won’t betray that vulnerability. I used to shutter at the thought. I was that girl and a part of me still is that an ounce of kindness means there is an agenda somewhere that will eventually hurt me.
My ex another spawn of Satan used to say”I better leave you before you leave me”. I never got it at the time but a part of me does now. Maybe it is an older and wiser thing. I get it I mean why put your heart and soul in the hands of someone who will later tear all of it to pieces leaving you a shattered mess in their wake.
Yet, even with what I have been through I know that there are good times to be had and when you don’t trust, don’t put yourself out there you are just punishing yourself for something that may never even happen. The saying it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all” is also true.
Why would you never put your trust into someone and miss out on something potentially wonderful! I say learn from those past mistakes and learn to deal with the fallout for the choices you’ve made. So when the next moment of truth comes along you are more prepared and ready to dive in with both feet.
That is not to say that I will ever be over my trust issues. But I now know that the more I don’t put my trust and faith in someone those that caused these issues are still winning and that is on me. I refuse to continue to martyr myself for others. As long as there is breath in me I will not change who I am because of them. I trust that you won’t either…