WRITE A POST IN RESPONSE TO TODAY’S ONE – WORD PROMPT.
It’s COMPLICATED this life I have. It reaks of untold pain and sorrow yet, here I am maybe a little broken but no worse for the wear.
I am a mom, a wife, a friend, but no one knows my deepest desires. I float through life waking up, going to work, loving my kids, and maybe just maybe at the end of the day I have the energy at the end of the day to spend “quality” time with my husband.
I told my family a little over a year ago that I wanted to follow my dreams and become a writer. The look of sheer panic on their faces said it all. I could see it in their faces that it was an I’ll believe it when it see it look.
I finally have the courage after all the pure shit I have been through in my life and I finally feel I am in a place to share my one desire with all of them and then they give me the utter horror look. WTF! What am I just a mom, wife, friend to these people! I have been so busy trying to make my kids good people that can take on the world. When is it my turn?
Yet, if my past has taught me anything it is that I am a survivor, I am strong and more than capable of doing this. I ignored said people and it has been almost a year and a half now. I have more support online from complete strangers than I do my family that supposedly loves me. Don’t even get me started on the book that is actually out there. I mean I have only sold nine copies and that was from acquaintances at work ! Not one member of my family or extended family have bought it and it’s only 99cents! I bet they could find that in the cushions of their couch!
Yet, I still get up each morning paste that fake smile on my face for my kids, husband, and friends. Even though I am dying inside. I put on my big girl panties and I go to work! When I come home its all about everyone else until they all go to bed. Then, it’s just me and the glowing light from my computer. Thank God I am a night owl!
Don’t get me wrong I love all of them with every ounce of me but correct me if I am wrong here isn’t this the age of equality? Isn’t this the time we women untie our apron strings and step out of the kitchen, put down our tray of cookies for that annual bake sale at the school and tell our friends let’s talk about me for a change?
I am tired of pretending everyone else’s life is my whole life! I am tired of biting my tongue when all I really want to do is say,”hey it is my turn!” I am tired of fielding questions about my slacking on my wifely, motherly, and friend duties for my writing. After all, it’s just a hobby right!
I have never seen such lack of support from so many people. I mean a hobby, a hobby! Haven’t they been listening to a word I’ve been saying for the past year and a half! It just goes to show they have never really heard me before. It is sad but that is what drives me to do this. My sheer will to carry on and prove the ever growing list of doubters that I can do this. It drives my hunger and for the first time in years, I feel free. I am at peace. Why can’t they see that?
I have a child about to graduate and I know in my heart me finally following my dreams will teach him a very valuable lesson. Never give up! Never quite! Do what makes you happy screw what the world thinks of you! Fight for what you want and never settle for second rate! It’s never too late to follow your dreams!
Yes, this life I have is complicated I feel torn between my duty to family and friends but I also hear the call of the words. The words that I put down the words that I can feel pouring out of me begging to be placed on the page! I have sacrificed enough in my days. No more will I fall victim to others desires. No more sacrificing myself and what I know in my heart I was meant to do…