MY ALL

I am tired! I am exhausted! I call you and you don’t answer. I text you nothing! I stare at the empty screen getting angrier that you haven’t responded. I can feel you slipping away as if you were sand running through my fingers there is nothing to hold on to. I can’t get purchase on my grasp and it saddens me. I can’t believe this is happening to me again! Why do all my friends leave. The only factor here is me. It try to be patient at the turn your life has taken yet while you are exploring your new world you are forgetting about me.

The one person that understood, the one person that helped dry your tears, the one person that was there for you in your darkest hours. Why me? Why do you all leave me? I know it is not my fault. It just feels like it when you all leave me all alone. It isn’t a gradual thing either. One day you are there and the next… Poof! It’s as if you were never there. No explanation, no telling of what went wrong and I am left wondering where did you go?  I know that my morals, and beliefs, haven’t changed I am the same. So what has changed to make you leave me!

I am tired! Exhausted even! I am tired of giving my all to someone only to realize later that was never the case for you. I have always been in one-sided friendships. They take and take, from me emotionally until I have nothing left to give. Then when they are healed from their experience… Poof, gone!

I once again learn a lesson never give all of yourself to someone be they friend or foe because once they leave the cuts are only deeper. It hurts but I have been here before. I know eventually I will get over this it is only a matter of when? I can no longer feel for you the way I did. The blinders have been lifted and I know for my own health I have to shut you off in my heart. I must warn you though once you are done, we are done. I can never go back to the way it was. I am sorry that I wasn’t good enough! I am sorry that what we had is gone. Most of all I am sad and mad at myself for once again giving my all!

 

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