It’s true what they say about drunks telling the absolute truth. Well, their version of the truth. I actually don’t tell anyone what I am feeling while drinking! I picture people running away screaming into the night when they get a peek at the shit running around in my brain.
I can hear a sad song while drinking and suddenly I am transported back to my childhood! Is there something seriously wrong with me or am I just a product of my past. The past that no matter what I do somehow creeps up and bites me in the ass. Then I begin to question everything will I make it as a writer? Will there be a happily ever after for me? Who knows?
All I know is that I drink to relax and blow off some steam but somehow wind up that scared little girl that was told I would never amount to anything to anyone. Why is it the moment we let our guard down those little demons from our past sneak past our defenses and try to tear us down? I shouldn’t have to keep those walls up at all times. It is exhausting trying to keep them in place while trying to keep my balance after a few shots of my favorite friend Mr. Smirnoff!
Then there is that song that suddenly pulls you out of your funk and has you forgetting about the past and all its horrors to focus on the here and now. Shaking your ass to that one song the only song in that moment that could right your world again. Even now I write this while listening to the greatest playlist ever! Mine! There are songs on here that want to make you cry and there are songs that make you want to laugh. Yet, somehow right when I need them the songs I need to get me out of my drunken depression pops on. It is fantastic!
I am one step away from crying my eyes out in the bathroom for the rest of the night and then that one song pops on that you just have to get up and dance to. Loving it, feeling the love tremendously right now! I love GIVE ME ONE REASON BY TRACY CHAPMAN. It is not so much the words but the tone I love as well, but it puts a smile on my face every time I drink. It just came on my playlist and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Is it wrong I get the most creative while drinking and listening to music! who cares I am in the zone! Peace out…