CUSTOMER SERVICE (THAT ONE CREEP)

This is installment three of my new weekly customer service. (what I wanted to say). I think for anyone that has ever worked at a call center has gotten at least one of those calls, those calls that leave you stunned and badly needing a shower to wash away the filthiness of the call! You all know what I am talking about that one guy on the phone that for some reason can’t afford a 900 number so he calls a call center for free and thinks we are going to stay on the line long enough to do their thing. (Ha!Ha! no pun intended, intentionally! Just got that.) That call that for the next several dings you hear you cringe at the thought that it might be him, again!

Well, this has happened to me more times than I can count! I think it is the accent that keeps them calling back. You see I grew up in the south, I left home many years ago and have since then lost most or all of my accent. However, every time I am on the phone or recorded it is as if the recorder picks up all of my accent. It truly never goes away, and dirty filthy men love a southern drawl! Yuck!

This call was just a few weeks ago this guy called in and it all seemed innocent at first. He sounded young, and from what I could tell right off not a crazy! I had a few preliminary questions for him such as name, address, telephone number, etc…  Then he interrupted me to ask if I could hold a moment when he came back on the line he was clearly doing something inappropriate to himself. Really! I then asked why he was calling and he told me to just keep talking. “About what”, I said. He actually said, “Anything just give me about 20 more seconds”! What? No! I repeated the previous how can I help you and he just said “Oh! Yeah, just 10 more seconds”.  At this point, I am not only grossed out but offended as well. I told him that if he didn’t need anything I was going to have to hang up. “He, said no, no just 10 more seconds, please, no 5 seconds”. I couldn’t stay and listen to him reach zero so I said, “have a nice day sir” and hung up.

After I took a moment to let the willies, heebie-geebies, or whatever you want to call it pass I, of course, went to the next caller. I am a professional, after all.

What I wanted to say is:

“Look you sick, freak there are 900 numbers for this. This is a professional business we are not here to handle your business I don’t get paid nearly enough for that. If you want someone to get you off try watching skini max (Cinemax) or read a magazine. This is not your mother’s basement, where I am sure you will be living out your days. You need to put the phone down and get a life, or don’t, either way, you should be ashamed of yourself and what you are doing over the phone”.  Or I could have simply said, “Sure I will stay on the phone as long as you want me to. This call is being recorded and the police have already been dispatched to your house. Good luck outrunning them with your pants around your ankles pervert”. I wonder how fast he would have hung up if I had said that last part. Oh well, guess we will never know…

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