Failure

Failure is not an option. The power to succeed is within your grasp. At least that is what they tell me. Failure is an option it’s just the option, you use when you give up. I never understood the latter. The power is yes, in my hands but there are a lot of variables to them. Like what in particular am I trying to succeed at, does it cost money, do I need help to achieve my goal. The only power I have is the power over my mind. Yes I can lose control and fail or I can chose to fight. Fight for what I want, fight for what I believe in and tell myself failure is not an option. I have had so many bad  things happen in my life that I just can’t seem to  get past that little voice in my head that says you will fail! All I have ever wanted to be is a writer I have a voice and it needs to be heard. I am thirty-eight years old and I have never really tried to follow my dreams. I keep saying to myself if I never do it then I will never fail at it. If I failed at this. nothing that has gone wrong in my life will compare to the epic disappointment I will feel. I don’t think I would recover if I fail at writing. I  know once I start I will be great. It’s the getting there that scares me. This is the one thing that could break me if I fail at it so I come up with any excuse not to write. Again if I don’t do it how can I fail at it. The voices in my head are happiest when I am not doing what makes me happy. Misery loves company. Another saying that we all know in the deepest part of ourselves is so very true. Misery does love company, I have a miserable voice in my head almost all the time saying that I will fail so why bother. There is one small part of me maybe a younger version of myself, that I can remember used to be fearless, would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. Where did she go? The part of me that says screw the voices FIGHT! How have I let the fear of failure overtake me so completely that it has rendered me catatonic in many ways. Inner demons are a bitch. Now I feel guilty when I am not writing like I am cheating on my writing with everything else in life. It is a vicious circle. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach over the sheer wave of fear. Then I think I could be one of the greats but how will the world know if I don’t try. So I need to try, it is not an option. I need to get off my ass so to speak and write. I need to quite the voices in my head or ignore them altogether and just go for it. I need to stop thinking and just do. This is my last stand, and I need to make it count. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION….

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/must-not-fail/”>Must Not Fail</a>

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